Happy, Happy…..

Happy Not Thanksgiving, Not Black Friday, Not Christmas day!!

Happy look out the window it’s a beautiful, blue sky day!!

Happy look out the window the snow is melting day!!

Happy I kept the woodstove going all day for my hubby day!!

Happy I don’t know what the f**k I’m talking about day!!

Okay, so I’m weird. (wired, maybe). I have all of this energy that is built in my chest, ready to expend on SOMETHING, but I know not what, because I don’t FEEL like doing anything.

Ah, the enigma that is me.

If you are Bipolar, or know someone, or love someone that is Bipolar, you will know the feeling that I am about to describe.

I have a fluttering in my chest, I want to get out and do something, feel like yelling, whooping, drawing HUGE circles in the sand (snow), but I don’t have the energy to actually get up and do something. So I feel that I am a failure, and so feeling, I can’t do anything, because WHAT IS THE POINT?!! But then, I feel bad for feeling bad. And I start to beat myself up.

These are usually times that lead to self-destruction.

My mind is saying to me, stay right there, don’t do anything that you might regret.

My heart is saying, get your ass out of bed and do something, so that you don’t feel like a shit.

My body is saying, f**k both of you, I’m just going to sit here and THRUM.

My heart will explode inside my chest. My hands will shake. My head will hurt. My body temperature will go up. My thoughts will start racing, but have no logically path. And I will feel a huge LET DOWN.

And now that I have given you a glimpse into MY WORLD…..