Friday, Sept. 2, 1992

9:40 pm

Welp, I thought that when K. left for work tonight that my sleeping problem was over. I crawled into bed with him earlier, oh say about 5:30-6:00 pm and I was sleeping really good – even after a phone call from Lena at 7:00 pm. I figured that once K. was gone I could go right back to sleep – but just the opposite happened. Now I am wide awake – dammit! Even Sandy isn’t alleviating this fear of being alone in the house – she helps make it even more stressful, because she WON’T FUCKING LISTEN TO ME! Argh. I hope I have enough courage to take a bath tomorrow morning: I hate to take baths/showers in the house alone. I have ever since I can remember. But, anyways. Earlier tonite was really nice – K. came home and said all he could this about was being married to me. How sweet. Picture this: a Christmas-Eve wedding about 1:00 pm. Delivery of gifts and news to family and friends (at least to families.) And a honeymoon in a hotel away from home. Then X-mas at home as Mr. and Mrs. Duren. But K. doesn’t want me to tell anyone. We’re just gonna go to a J.P. on x-mas eve and do it. I want to be married to K. really bad, and it would be ideal if we were married before we had a baby – but is it the right thing to do? I’m awfully scared of hitching up to someone again. I always seem to contradict myself, don’t I? Anyway, this x-mas eve wedding is just an idea, it will be "mulled". But the thing is – I could toast my marriage with what else, Egg Nog! Hee. Hee.