December 18, 1993

December 18, 1993

7:47 pm

I need to get something to occupy my mind. I’m sincerely bored. I can’t write anymore, because my hand hurts really bad.

9:15 pm

I had a bout with depression – over the silliest thing! I was watching an Xmas cartoon and a little girl was searching for a grandmother to love her – she found a grandmother – but I still cried! I called Kevin and asked him if he would come see me, and he said "no", because Trudy said we needed to spend some time apart (because I am focusing all of my anger on Kevin, instead of dealing with my "issues".) But I really missed him – it was really almost a "desperate" feeling (I was even thinking of calling a nurse to at least have some company.) It’s almost Xmas – Kevin picked up our Christmas portraits at Sears this afternoon – they came out alright. Sending a set to my mother – CONTEMPLATING WRITING A LETTER TOO. What in the hell would I say? I really don’t know what I would say to her – not ready. Guess it’s gonna take a little more time (why not, I still have 20 or so good years left.) I’m really down in the dumps here – wonder what started all of this? (Christmas carols on the t.v. aren’t helping much.) Aaron has been sleeping for 5½ hours – I wonder if he’s gonna wake up before I go to sleep?!