Acadia

January 16, 2003

Still doing the Reverse checks! I just talked to Kevin on the phone and he wants to come to my treatment tomorrow. I’d like for him to come too, it’s nice to have his support there. He also wants to be there when I have my court date so see how long I have to stay here.

January 20, 2003

Had an ECT treatment this morning – it’s affecting some of my memory. I forgot what floor we are on, I can’t remember the date. Shannon just gave me an Ativan for the "fidgetys". Tomorrow I have a court date over to BMHI to see how much longer I have to be here (or if they are going to transfer me over there). Dr. Riaz wants me to stop digging at my arms – they are so bad that I’m wearing a long-sleeved turtleneck. Dr. Riaz has me on a medicine called "Naltraczone" for the digging–it’s not helping 100%, but it’s helping a little. I’m still doing the "reverse checks" too, until Dr. Riaz says so. I still want to dig, still want to scratch.

January 22, 2003

Today is mine and Kevin’s 10th anniversary. He just called to wish me a happy. I had my 6th (I think it was my 6th) ECT this a.m., it totally frigged with my memory – I couldn’t remember how I got all these scratches – where I was at first, what had happened. Kevin me a diamond. (Can’t remember the details).

January 23, 2003

Kevin will be coming in for the ECT tomorrow – according to my madres scores, I’m getting better.

January 25, 2003

Well, Dr. Riaz will be be back in two days, and Kevin wants to come in and talk to him. Kevin wants to ask Dr. Riaz how I am doing. (?) I think that I am doing much better with the ECTs. Once I can get hold what I am doing and I what I have done.

January 26, 2003

Had a very scary occurance – I totally forgot who and where I was–Cindy had to tell me this was Acadia and she was a patient–it was scary. I really freaked for a couple of minutes, wished Kevin was here; but all is okay now – I’m back to normal.

January 27, 2003

I just had a meeting with Rodney and Dr. Riaz – I asked me to move up to a level 3, and Dr. Riaz said he had a problem with that because of my scratching – but I want to take a bath – he said he would arrange it. He also said that he thought my acne looked better.

January 28, 2003

I had to journal today – I told Rodney that my depression was 8½ and he asked me why? I dug my arms last night and this morning – the med that Dr. Riaz gave me to stop digging is not working, I’m still digging – I shared with Rodney – I also have Kevin, Aaron, + Cameron coming to visit at 5:00–I am looking forward to that, but I’m a little nervous too, I haven’t seen the kids in awhile – almost since Christmas. I don’t think. Rodney also signed me up for Yoga tonight – I’m feeling "unsafe" today – I don’t want to get hold of anything unsafe. Because I’ve managed to stay safe and whole so far.