9-19-93

9-19-93

22 days!

It’s coming up real soon! 3 weeks! I was thinking this morning, and I remember the first time we heard the baby’s heartbeat, and the first time I felt him move, and even the sonogram, but at all of those points the "baby" was or seemed like he was just an "idea" not really a reality–it seemed like my becoming a parent was light years away! Now it’s less than a month away, and I’m almost unsure of how I feel; it seems that every time I try to picture the baby I immediately think of and picture myself in labor and no picture of baby comes to mind. On Friday I went to visit Lori, and I saw her baby Meghan, and I tried to picture myself with Aaron, and all I could picture was Lori & Meghan! She let me hold the baby, and it was ok – I was still a little nervous, but you could almost get lost looking at those long eyelashes and her smile! Tomorrow Kevin & I have a newborn class, and maybe after that class we will feel a little more like we are ready to handle our little man. I have so many different and new feelings going on! I hear people who say that they love the baby when it is till a "fetus"–but how can you love something that seems more like an idea than a reality? Kevin’s Aunt Kathy said that she and Donna (Kevin’s mother) already think of Aaron as a person, and I told her that he didn’t seem like a real person to me yet–how can you have feelings for somebody you’ve never met or seen? In a couple of weeks K & I are gonna get to meet our child, and then all these feelings will have a purpose. Kathy keeps trying to convince me that I don’t want Kevin in the delivery room with me, because he will get grossed out, and never look at me the same again – but I told her I REALLY him there, and so does he – afterall, this is his child too!