11-9-93

11-9-93

I saw the counselor yesterday. She was nice, I was expecting a younger lady, but I’m kinda glad she’s older. I don’t know how this therapy is gonna go, but I have good feelings about the work she’s gonna do with me (and I with her.) Last night Kevin was getting a little frustrated with Aaron, and I said I wondered how he was gonna handle the baby last night, and he said "I’m not abusive Amy" and THAT hurt my feelings, because it seemed he was pointing out my problem, so I went in the bathroom + cried. The sad reality is that I AM abusive, and the truth hurts! Then Kevin and the baby + I went to Newport to pick up a movie, and I put my head on his shoulder, and he didn’t even move, he just remained stiff–that was a rejection, and when Kevin finally DID put his arm around me, I cried again – it’s so damn painful to feel. I wish that I could go back to myself and not feel anything. It hurts to feel and it hurts to remember.