10/13/1994

This journal is my birthday present from my hubby and I am just too impatient to wait until tomorrow! (K said it was okay to start it now). THis will probably last me for a year, or close to it! Today I am waiting for word on a job that I interviewed for yesterday at Ames. I won’t admit it to anyone, but I really want this job. It’s been really heavy on my mind about the fact that once January rolls around, I’ll be unemployed once again. Don’t get me wrong, I’d probably like being "lazy" for a period of time, but my "responsible self" needs to know we can make the bills. I’m also a little apprehensive about tomorrow, because I haven’t been to work since all the shit happened with Alice. But I need to stand up for myself, because I did the right thing. I was looking out for my own interests, and sticking to K’s motto: "CYOA" (cover your own ass). I’m not a patsy, and even though I’m only temporary, I have just as many rights as anyone else! I’m not sure how long I’ll be working at D.N.H., but if I had to guess, I’d say 3 or 4 weeks (MAYBE more). Even if Ames doesn’t work out, I’ll be working for 30 days at R’s, but Damn! I really want that job at Ames. It’s for cashier, 20-25 hours a week. I’d be in 7th heaven if I had a permanent job! K.E, the woman who interviewed me, said that if my references checked out, she would definately be interested in me. It sounds good, but I don’t want to count my chickens before they hatch. I’ve grown up quite a bit since Aaron was born. Our family has been through alot in the past year, but I think we’ve grown for it. I know that we can get through anything, but only if we do it together. (That was a pricey lesson to learn). But through all the struggling, fighting and tears, we’ve grown closer. A real family unit. I really like this book – I could write and write, and never even make a dent!

Ames never called, hopefully tomorrow. K just called and let me know that he was going to be late, he was on his way up to Walmart to pick me out a birthday present. And I snapped at him, bcause he said he’d be home in 1-2 hours, and I have to go to bed soon. But now I wish that I had not been so bitchy, bcause I feel really bad now. I know I’m almost in trouble again "emotionally" bcause all the signs are here. Being preoccupied, teary, and NEEDY. So, I guess that means I have to head it off before it gets out of hand. I’m not looking forward to work tomorrow either, which is another indication that it’s starting again, bcause for 6 weeks I have loved my job. K told me on Tuesday if I felt it "coming on" to let him know, and we fight it together.