what if?

I stopped looking at him as a boyfriend, as a man, as someone I loved.

Because, after believing that our love is a big one, one that we only see on screens, one we only read in fairytales, he texted me.

After a whole month, believing that he will wait for me, loving every bit of me, not forgetting about me not even for a second, he texted me, saying that, for this whole month, while I was loving every bit of him, not forgetting about him not even for a second, he moved on.

He texted me, saying that he doesn’t love, and probably never will.

How can he be so sure? How can someone be so sure of not loving a person whom he is supposed to be loving for more than a year?

Was he playing? Am I game?

I swore that I will never go back to him again, never ever, even if he begged, even if he cried, even if he regretted it because I’m not some girl whom he will throw when he feels like it and have back when he feels like it.

But, when his friend told me that he said what he said for me, for the sake of us, something changed deep inside me.
What if? What if he really dumped me because we’re still too young? What if he threw me now because being with him was toxic for both of us? What if he did this because he knew I changed into a sort of pet for him? What if he did this to focus on our studies?

What if?

Then, if this is true, then I misjudged him, I cursed him for nothing! He was the hero, not the villain?!

Then I am the villain, not the hero?!

I didn’t even try to keep him with me, I just accepted.

I just accepted him dumping me, normally, easily.

I didn’t even cry, not a single tear. I didn’t get angry or sad, did I love him?

And now that we decided we focus on our studies, and after six or seven years, after finishing our studies, will he be waiting for me? No way!

What if, I am wrong again? What if he’s not the one?