Tradition*

Today I am 30 years old, and as tradition seems to dictate, it’s been snowing. It always seems to snow on my birthday, with the possible exception of my freshman year at UConn when it was in the 70’s. Pippa is sleeping, the house is reasonably clean, and I’m feeling moderately better compared to earlier when I felt like dying. Pippa’s been sick – nothing serious, but it seems she passed it on to me. Yay.

Tonight I have rehearsal. This show has been a lot of fun and it’s odd to think of how soon it’s going to be over. We open on March 15th! I don’t feel half ready for it to be honest. Looking at the pictures that Frank’s been taking of our rehearsals, I’m really disappointed in myself. I was doing well enough with the weight loss, but I sort of stalled once Alan came home. It’s entirely too easy to eat too much of the wrong stuff with him around, especially when I was eating largely vegetarian while he was gone. I really need to start working at it again.

And I need to exercise. That’s the hardest part now that Alan’s home. The PT Cruiser is officially dead and we have only one car again. He’s going to rent one for the time that he’s at his training in March, but I’m not sure how we’ll solve this problem because we can’t afford two car payments. If I’d have been able to predict the demise of the Cruiser, I never would have let Alan convince me to buy a newer (and therefore more expensive) car. Woe and suck, as usual. It wouldn’t really be that bad, but I don’t like our neighborhood. The nearest park, while it has toddler-sized equipment, has woodchips for ground cover. Yummy, yummy woodchips, perfect for small children to put in their mouths. The playground I like has mats, but it’s too far to walk there. And I don’t like our neighborhood. We’re behind a shopping plaza, which means large trucks and deliveries. It’s not so bad, but 19th Street is sketchy in places. So I’m either walking along a very busy road or along a sketchy one. Yay.

I don’t know. Maybe I’ll feel better once the weather warms up again. It’s been bitterly cold lately. I don’t like taking Pippa out in it if I don’t have to, not without knowing for sure if she’s cold or even too warm in her snowsuit (yeah she’s needed a snowsuit just to go outside, regardless of snow).

Maybe I’m just depressed. I know I’m unhappy, but it’s hard to tell if it’s justified. Milestones always trigger a bit of sadness. I’m leaving my 20’s behind. My daughter is about to turn one. We’re moving in October. I’m more than a little upset by the car situation. Maybe if we can just get through the summer having a second car won’t matter in Washington if we live on post. Or Alan can come home after PT and I can take him back to work if I need the car for appointments. We can’t really do that now because of how far away from his office we are, although it was fine when his office was on the main part of post. When they moved to the Wilderness Complex, they more than doubled his commute.

I’m also upset that Alan is missing Pippa’s birthday. Alan has to go to an NCO training for nearly all of March – 7 days a week, at least 12 hours a day, with a couple overnights. And neither of our parents can come out so I’m having a party by myself. I invited some people and I figure I’ll pick some food up at Whole Foods and bake Pippa a cake. She can play with Laila and maybe Blake if Heather comes and we’ll call it good, I guess. Maybe it’s stupid to be upset about that. It is the Army after all. But I was hoping that since he’s home from deployment maybe we would actually get to celebrate together.

You know, when I started writing, I thought I would go for happy. But happy isn’t happening. Maybe I’ll feel better after rehearsal.

~Liz

*Edit so this shows up in the bookmarks*