Time Keeps on Ticking *edit*

Almost an entire week has passed since Alan left for Basic Training. He called yesterday with his address, so at least now I can send him the letters I’ve written so far.

I think the weekend has been the hardest part. I don’t quite know what to do with myself. The worst part is that it’s not like I’d rather be at work. When I’m there I want to be here. When I’m here I can’t  fill the time. I’d like to take up scrapbooking, but everything seems so expensive when I look at it. Michael’s even has an Army scrapbook that I’m thinking of getting so I can make one just for Alan’s Army life, but I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet. Besides, it’s not like I have any photos of his Army life just yet. Otherwise we just don’t take a lot of pictures, which is certainly ironic given the number of cameras in this house.

I did finish a couple things I’ve been meaning to get to. A few weeks ago while Alan was showing Zach all the projects he had going at their grandparents’ house in Darien, I found a forsythia branch that had been broken off. It just felt right in my hand, so I brought it home, peeled it, cut it down, and let it dry out. On a whim I wrapped it in silver jewelry wire, then a length of suede with three tassels of 9 blue Swarovski crystals each. My wand. I also bought a large pillow form and a remnant of a fun fleece print at Joann’s and made a pillow for my classroom so we can have a "cozy corner." And I can take the fleece off to wash it. Very important. And I managed to finally get around to cleaning out my little garden and I even replaced the ink cartridges in our printer so that it prints properly now. I don’t know how this happened, but the yellow and cyan in our old color cartridge must have been a lot lower than the magenta because everything was printing out in shades of pink. Very annoying, but it’s all better now.

I went to the library on Saturday and got a couple movies, as well as some books to read for story time. The movies were "A Prairie Home Companion," which I wasn’t all that thrilled with, and "The Reader" with Kate Winslet. I’ve known for a long time that it’s better for me if I see the movie before I read the book because it allows me to enjoy both. So I was a little wary because I read the book right around the time the movie came out in the theaters. I have to say that I had no reason to worry. It was amazing. Writing, directing, acting. All beautiful and all very faithful to the book. Yes, there were scenes that got cut out or altered, but I certainly didn’t miss them. It was extremely well done. Rent it.

My mood has been remarkably stable lately, especially considering how erratic it was in the months leading up to Alan’s departure. I still have trouble with keeping my temper, especially at nap times, but it’s been better. And I haven’t felt at all paranoid or nervous. This isn’t to say that might not change, but I’m enjoying it now. Maybe with Alan gone, with my support system gone, the rational, reasonable part of me simply isn’t allowing me to fall apart, because there’s no one to catch me. And I suppose some of it at least must be relief that the bad thing I was waiting for has finally happened and now I can move on.

I don’t want to go back to work tomorrow. I know that I have to keep working, but it’s hard when it seems like no matter where I am I feel restless. And of course, I also have a post office box in Monroe now, so if I left Bright Horizons, I’d either have to find another job near there or else drive however many miles out of my way at least every other day. I don’t want to stay, but I don’t want to go either. Alan said that it should get better when I have a partner, and I agree. I just wish they’d get off their lazy asses and hire someone instead of all this bullshit that they’re putting me and Isabel through. I liked Megan. Hire her! LOL! I think Alan’s right though. Once I have someone to talk to instead of being all by myself all day I think I’ll be able to suck it up and get through it. Especially since I will probably leave about a month before Alan finishes AIT so that I can get everything in order. That means I only need to get to the end of April.

And if I’m missing Alan and hating my job, it’s nothing to what he’s going through. He sounded like he was on the verge of tears when I talked to him yesterday. He says he just wants to come home, which breaks my heart, because I’d love that more than anything in the world and I hate to think that he’s miserable. Of course, this happens to all recruits at the start of Basic. I think he’ll get over it and really enjoy his experience if he lets himself. I’ve tried to reassure him as best I can that I’m fine. I think he’s worrying about me and I don’t want him to. At any rate, he’s very homesick, but I hope that now that I have his address and have distributed it among our family members, a steady inflow of letters will help him get through it.

Well, tomorrow is another day. Nighty night.

~Liz

*edit* Squee! I was just perusing CareerBuilder and found a job opening for an entry-level veterinary assistant in Westport! So I applied, of course! Cross your fingers everybody!