Out of the Closet

Well, I’ve told Kim that Alan is joining the Army, so that’s one less thing I have to explain. I still have to submit my request for November 2nd off to bring him to the recruiting station. I’ll also need days off to pick him up from the airport for Christmas and such, but I can’t ask when I don’t even know the dates. So I’m out of the Army Wife closet. Or footlocker, as the case may be.

We’re still scrambling for money at the moment. Alan didn’t get his first paycheck because of some screw up or another (neither did the other new person, who started the same day), so I’m not too sure how I’m going to get my lamotrigine, which I really rather need. Now’s not a good time to get pregnant, so there’s no real benefit to my being off it. I’d also prefer to be in close contact with my doctor when I do go off it and right now I can’t afford to be. I just keep counting the days until November (when I get my military ID) and then December 1st (when Alan gets his first paycheck and I get our first BHA). On the other hand, I’ve lost another 3lbs, bringing my grand total to 10 lbs lost. Not bad considering I haven’t been to the gym lately. Not so great when you consider that it’s because I haven’t been able to eat very much. It’s gotten to the point where I’m not as hungry, though. And I’ll be going back to the gym this week, seeing as Alan is working nothing but closing shifts. Showering at night will also let me sleep in a bit more, which is always nice.

This coming week I’m still "out of numbers," but I’ll be able to start getting my classroom set up as the book fair currently occupying it will be over on Tuesday. The week after I’ll be "in numbers." According to Erica, I’ll probably be spending a few hours in the morning with just the kids in my room, then I think I’ll bring them back to the infant rooms and go in Erica’s room because she’s actually off for a few days, which means I’ll be covering her in numbers. After that bit of confusion, hopefully I can start being in my room full time. I’ll be alone for a little while, but Kim is interviewing partners for me. I thought she had a girl in mind, but on Thursday she had a guy come in for an interview. Different, but Mary tells me that he wouldn’t be the first guy to work there. Anyway, his name’s Michael and he’s been a nanny for the last three years to a family with three kids who are now 5, 7, and 8, which means that he’s seen a range of ages, since when he started they were 2, 4, and 5. Kim says that he seems like a nice guy and really knows his stuff, but I think the idea of a male child care worker sits funny with her. She said she’d check his references first and then schedule an in-class interview… a reverse of her normal procedure. I think it’d be interesting.

In more personal terms, I’ve found a renewed interest in my studies of Witchcraft/Wicca. I’m not even sure why other than a sensation that I’m going to need something to get me through the months when Alan is away and then the huge transitions when we move to another city, state, or even country. So I’m starting fresh with a slightly different perspective now that I’m older. I have a notebook/journal that I’d really like at Barnes & Noble and I’m hoping Alan will get it for me for our anniversary to use as a Book of Shadows. I don’t know if I mentioned it, but I was going to get him a nice set of stationery to take with him to Basic. It is the Paper Anniversary, after all. I wanted to get him tickets to see Jimmy Buffett, but that’s way out of the budget right now.

I feel like my mind is jumping a bit, but I may just be a little paranoid about that, given that it is a symptom of mania and I haven’t been very good with my medication lately, what with splitting every other pill in half. Then again, I just have a lot on my mind and a lot to deal with right now. I’m sure I’m fine. Alan and I had a fight Friday night… shockingly enough about A.) how bad he is with money and how I don’t want to be like him and B.) how I don’t think he’s taking enlistment seriously. The two major issues in our lives right now. At least I discovered one thing- talking about my violent impulses makes them feel a bit more manageable. I really felt the urge to hit Alan in the face with my book, so I said so and it went away a little. I did however fall asleep thinking about bleeding and I dreamt that I was back in my living room on East Rocks Road and I was trying to kill George W. Bush. He was wearing khakis and a pale yellow dress shirt and had on a full calico apron. I grab him by the strings around his neck and twisted them, trying to choke him until he passed out, but he still wasn’t dead. When he started to move again I grabbed this antique child’s chair that was always sitting by the fireplace and broke it over his head. I also vaguely recall smashing his head into the flagstones in front of the fireplace. Yeah. But I felt better in the morning and much less angry and upset. Although I had a terrible headache that became a terrible stomachache and later got entirely better.  I think trying to kill W. was my way of lashing out at military. A way of hating the Army as a general idea and expressing that without taking it out on Alan. Either way. Felt better.

Karma’s been odd lately. She’s started eating canned food a lot more, so either she’s having a growth spurt or we finally found a flavor she actually likes. She also somehow managed to steal two of the keys off the laptop’s keyboard. Don’t ask me how. All I know is that they were there when I shut the computer down last night and gone this morning when Alan went to start it up. She got the caps lock key off, including the little spring that makes it functional and the small square key that’s on the far right below the ‘pg dn’ key. I can’t for the life of me remember what it was, so I don’t think we’ll miss it. Alan found the caps lock key next to his shoe in the living room. Haven’t found the other one. It’s not in any of her usual treasure troves, so I think she may have pushed it under the radiator somewhere. Lesson to us: always put the top down on the laptop before bed. Still, I’m a little impressed that she even managed it.

Anyway, time for me to get back in the exercise habit. Alan took the car down to Darien to finish up some more work and to get paid. Yay! Food! So I’m going for a walk in the park across the street, then to do some witchy studying.

~Liz