Gives You Hell

I don’t even know where to begin. It’s been one crazy effing week, I can tell you that much, but how to explain. Aye, there’s the rub.

I suppose I should preface this entry by remarking how very off balance I’m feeling today. As some of you may have noticed, today is Saturday. And yet, I got home from work less than an hour ago. I realize that many people work weekends, but I am not one of them. I just sat through 5 hours of shoddy medication administration training in the middle of the most gorgeous weekend we’ve had yet and I’m not even getting overtime for it! How is that possible? You may ask, and well you should. It’s possible because fucking Pam does anything in her fucking power to avoid paying her fucking employees what they really fucking deserve! And since we were closed on Good Friday, we’re not up to 80 hours for the pay period. Thus, no overtime.

I’m just in a bad fucking mood now. This week has seriously sucked ass. We had a new child this week… a 4-month-old named Yael. Well, rather than have Dina come in full-time to meet our ratio, Pam has Alisa in the room with me. Not only is Alisa not getting her own work done, her presence in the room means that neither of us gets to use the bathroom until Dina does get there at noon. On top of that, Alisa thinks it’s her fucking prerogative to take her lunch when she wants, which means before me, which means I’m working from 7-1:30 without a break. In case anyone needs the math help, that’s six and half fucking hours! I don’t need to be fucking treated like this! Oh. And have you ever tried to take care of three toddlers, a preschooler, and an infant all at the same time in a daycare setting? It just doesn’t work!  I’ve been tearing my hair out all week. Yesterday morning was incrementally better, but blown to complete shit by yesterday afternoon with Janeyah screaming bloody murder throughout naptime and me coming back from my break to find nothing done and three of the five kids are fucking awake. Then after nap she decided it would be a lot of fun to try to rip Camille’s braids out. Yippy fucking skippy.

I’m just not happy. Not at all. I’ve been there over a month now and I’m still waiting for something, just one fucking thing, to change. Yes, I have the hours I want. That’s about it. Fuck, my name is STILL misspelled on my paycheck. Fuck.

I just have this bone-deep ache to "go home." I know that doesn’t make sense because I am home, but it’s just this feeling I get sometimes when I know that there’s some place I would be happier and more comfortable. And right now, that’s pretty much anywhere but here. Dina says that I just need to wait for something to change, but I’m so miserable dealing with all this petty bullshit.

I think I’ll update my resume then crawl into bed with a book.

~Liz