Feel So Near

It’s been a while, so I suppose it’s about time I actually updated instead of just compulsively lurking with entries half-formed in my head.

I got my blood work and glucose labs done last week. While I’m glad to have it all done, I wish I hadn’t agreed to have the other blood tests done when I’d already committed to doing to the glucose test. Surely it defies all medical logic to force someone to drink something that can cause nausea, vomiting, and fainting and then follow it up by removing serious quantities of blood. Twelve vials at least, three of which were pretty big. I’ve never had anyone take more than three. By the time I got home, I was bumping into things. More so than usual anyway. I still have the remnants of the bruise in the crook of my elbow.

I’m feeling quite a bit better the last couple days, too, so it may well be that I’m out of the worst of the morning sickness. It’s not completely gone, but it’s not so constant and I can survive being hungry for more than two minutes without feeling like hell. It might help that I’ve been taking my vitamins at night so that I sleep through any nausea associated with them.

I’ve been feeling weepy, irritable, and homesick lately. The weepy part is probably hormones. Homesick… well, I go through bouts of that often enough. This is just not the sort of environment that suits me. I long to go for a walk in the woods, but it’s not the same here. I want to be back on the walking trails near our place in Milford, wandering around a pond, disappearing into the brush to sit on the rocks at the edge of the water or skip rocks. Or to climb up the cliffs in Old Mine Park and dangle my feet over the edge and watch the people go by on the trail below, with the leaves all golden green and rustling. Even better… I want to walk out over the rocks until I’m practically in the middle of Long Island Sound. And it’ll be foggy, so that when I come back to the beach, my hair will have curled up. I’m not a creature of high plains and dry mountains. Rocks should be gray, not red, and they should have moss on them!

The irritability is probably a combination of things. Hormones, yes… and maybe a little bipolar anxiety, too. But mostly it’s drama. I’m a member of some boards on Baby Center and it’s just ridiculous the way people jump down each other’s throats all the time. So I’ve kind of been avoiding them except for those posters and threads that are quite a bit more civil. Zaneta, Sims’ wife, also just added me as a friend on Facebook and she’s nothing but drama… I take that back. She’s drama and Avon products. And since I have no interest in Avon products whatsoever, she’s just drama. But since I don’t want to cause drama in the shop, I didn’t really have a choice about adding her. All of her posts are about how miserable she is and how badly her husband treats her and how she has no place to go, but then she changes her profile picture to a photo of the both of them. Frankly, they’re both young and really fucking stupid and had no business getting married in the first place. So I’m mostly just trying to ignore her.

I did go to the FRG meeting last a couple days ago. I think I need to get more involved, if only so that I’m not completely cut off from the world once Alan leaves. Cassie, the Captain’s wife, had the idea that we should plan a Halloween party since the guys will be in Louisiana for training, so that’s something to look forward too. No idea what I’ll go as, of course, but I’ve got some time.

Weirdest thing I noticed the other day. I was straightening my hair and it looks like my hair is growing in darker than it used to be. Except for the front couple of inches, the "blonde" roots are barely visible, even though they’re a good half inch long now. They’re not nearly as noticeable as they should be at this point. Something else to blame on pregnancy?

Alan and I may have actually decided on a girl’s name. We’re leaning toward Mischa. Traditionally it’s a male nickname for Michael, but then again, Sasha is traditionally a male name too. I still quite like Pippa, but I don’t want everyone thinking we named her after Pippa Middleton. My favorite remains Anika, but Alan isn’t budging on that one. And although Danika is a good compromise, it loses the prettiness of the first vowel. In Anika, it’s AHN-ih-kuh, so it rhymes with Monica. Danika is DAN-ih-kuh. Doesn’t work for me. Now we just have to argue about a middle name. He’s going to lose on this one, whether he knows it our not. I want our kids to have names that mean something, not just random syllables, so the middle name WILL be a family name. I may just have to use one that Alan doesn’t realize is a family name.

~Liz