Counting Chickens

Well, I definitely spoke too soon about feeling better. I had a major league breakdown a couple nights ago and pretty much screamed and cried myself hoarse. I also somehow managed to skin my elbow. I’m not really sure how though. I can only assume that I hit it against the wall or the floor and the friction of my sweater did it.

I hate feeling like that. There’s just nowhere for all the fear and anger to go and suddenly everything just becomes way too much. And instead of trying to block it all out, it’s like I have to force it back. Terrified the cats, of course. Aladdin came out when I called him for dinner, but Karma doesn’t care enough about food for that to work. I got in the shower and left the door open while I sat down and let the water be the only thing in my life… eventually both cats came in to investigate. So I guess they forgave me.

It was hard not to break things. I so wanted to, probably more than I ever have before. Maybe because I felt like I couldn’t take it out on myself this time, not when I know that what I do to myself, I do to the baby as well. I was a little worried when I calmed down because I didn’t feel her moving, but I’ve felt some kicks since then. I have a slightly anterior placenta, so it’s harder to feel them anyway.

Needless to say, I’m glad that Alan will be home in about a week. I have to take my computer in to the Geek Squad tomorrow so they can get rid of all the viruses and malware. I also told Alan I’d use his GameStop gift card to get him Modern Warfare 3 so it’s here when he gets home. I know he was debating between that and the new Oblivion game, so I can only assume that Capt. Souza must have convinced him that MW3 was a better choice for right now.

I couldn’t manage to psych myself up for a trip to the Commissary today… because, well, I just don’t think I need to put myself through that. I went down to the King Soopers nearby instead. Yeah, I probably paid more than I would have on post. But on the other hand, they did have my favorite yogurt (Fage) on sale at 10 for $10. Considering it’s normally around $1.30 each, that’s a really good deal. So I bought a bunch of those. They also had pomegranates, which I love but rarely ever eat. Frozen tilapia was on sale too. Granted, it still costs double what it does in Connecticut, but at least I could buy it. And I still have a salmon filet in the freezer, so I’m set with meat for the week. Maybe I’ll even keep a couple pieces of fish for when Alan comes home. We eat it so rarely now that it would be a nice treat.

I swear when we go to Connecticut for Christmas I’m buying a ton of fish and putting it on dry ice to bring back. Also Jax. I’ll probably eat nothing but seafood and Jax the entire time I’m there. And maybe some really good pizza. Honestly, the best pizza you can get out here is Red Baron. That’s pretty pathetic if you ask me.

I’m starting to wonder if living too long at this altitude starves the brain of oxygen. Sometimes I think it must because I encounter some people here that I wouldn’t trust not to grab the sharp end of a sword. A woman walked right out into the street while I was on my way home from the grocery store. Didn’t look to see if maybe a car was coming. I nearly hit her! And even I find myself making stupid mistake likes no instead of know or their when I really mean there.

On the plus side, I did get two postcards from Postcrossing today. Well, technically I got them yesterday but I was too lazy to go get the mail. And no junk mail at all, which always makes me strangely happy, even when the rest of it is bills. Legitimate mail, even when they want money, makes me happy. I also found a dollar while I was walking to my car and all the wind yesterday blew free a bunch of tumbleweeds, so I picked some up to use as kindling. I went to Barnes & Noble yesterday and got my dad the World Almanac he wants for Christmas, but also saw a calendar that he’d love. I had to call my mom and make sure he uses calendars first, but I’ll go back tomorrow while I’m out and get it for him. It features a bunch of photos from the Rosenfeld collection, which is currently housed at Mystic Seaport. Basically it’s gorgeous black and white photography of ships under sail, most of them caught mid-race. The calendar doesn’t have my favorite of the photos, but it’s still really pretty. These two are my favorites:

At any rate, I know my dad will like it because he and I went up to Mystic and saw the collection a while back. And of course, the photos are quite famous. I told my mom about it and even she knew what I was talking about when I described that top picture.

I still have quite a bit of shopping to do for Christmas, but at least I know what I’m getting most people. Aside from the calendar and almanac, I’ll probably try to find my dad a new wallet. Incidentally, that’s also something I’m getting Alan. He says to wait until he gets back, but his wallet eats credit cards. So I’m going to look for one with enough interior slots that they won’t get piled on top of one another. Lisa and my mom both want formal pictures from the ball, so that’s easy enough. I may also get my mom some kind of guitar accessory. Alan gets a new camera and a wallet. I’m going to try and get some Colorado-y stuff for Alan’s grandparents and my grandmother. That really only leaves Kurt and Zach. So I’ll have to figure those out later.

We have some new neighbors in the front half of the complex somewhere, but they seem a little too hipster for my taste. They could be lovely people of course, but they definitely strike me as trying to hard to look poor. Especially since I know how much they’re paying in rent and that it’s more than they might pay in another part of town if they really were as broke as they’re trying to appear. Does that make sense? For instance, all their furniture is second hand, but they clearly want you to know that. Maybe Alan and I are just weird. Because if I buy a sofa or chair at a thrift store, you’d better believe I’m going to either learn how to reupholster it or buy a nice slipcover. And if I buy a table or dresser, I’m going to refinish it. Like I said, maybe I’m just weird, but I think it’s a lot cooler to buy something for $50 and have it look like it costs $200 than to buy something for $50 and have it look like it cost $5. Just me?

Anyway, it’s a quiet Sunday afternoon and I’m thinking I need to vegetate for a while. Maybe with a few bad movies.

~Liz