All the Difference

It seems hard to believe that we’ve been here in Colorado for only two months. Somehow it seems like a lot longer.

Alan has been much more cheerful since his birthday has passed. It probably helps that his mom’s birthday is only six days later. Not only can he stop focusing on himself, I think it helps him remember that his mom really isn’t that old (not even 50 yet) and that if she and Kurt are still out there being as insanely busy as they always are, there’s really nothing to fear from getting older.  He’s also been a lot more willing to talk about kids in a less theoretical sense. More of a "we need to get rid of some stuff in the second bedroom so that we can put a crib, changing table, and dresser in there" sense. I like this sense much better. As soon as I get my TriCare card in the mail I’ll make a few doctor’s appointments and we can talk about a more concrete plan. Money is a little tight because we just moved in and we’re having to cope with set-up fees and replacing some things, but I’ve done the math and we should have enough money clear every month to save a bit. And a couple more credit card balances are getting towards the paid off point, so that should help. Especially since we hardly use them. So that’s exciting. Alan does need a car, but the combination of joining the Army and paying off debts has sent our credit scores through the roof, so he should be able to get a good loan.

We went to a marriage retreat this past Tuesday. It was mostly an excuse for Alan to get out of work for the day and for us to explore an interesting historical spot. It was held on the estate of the founder of Colorado Springs, an absolutely beautiful location that is unfortunately now own by a Christian group called The Navigators and you can only get through the front gate if you’re staying there or attending a conference. You even have to have a permit to hike on the grounds. So it was a good excuse to get inside a cool old building and wander around. I think it’d be fun to spend a weekend there. The workshop itself was pretty boring and didn’t help much beyond letting us know that we’re already on a pretty good track in terms of demonstrating our love and respect for each other and communicating openly. I would have liked more time to explore the estate. On the plus side, there was a lot less "God talk" than I had initially feared. I worried at first because of the ownership of the estate and the fact that it was being run by an Army chaplain. My fears were not much helped by the book we found at each table talking about a true Christian marriage. Fortunately, the chaplain and his wife are both certified marriage counselors and seemed to take only those parts of the book they deemed useful and left God at the door. They were also pretty entertaining. And it was nice to spend the day with Alan.

My search for a job hasn’t been very promising so far, but I haven’t tried very hard either. I’d really like to work part-time in child care, but the few openings I’ve seen listed have been for very Christian-based day cares, and I’m not even remotely interested in that. I also have some concerns about the student-teacher ratio here. For one thing, it varies widely depending on very specific age groups. For 12-26 months, it’s 5:1; for 18-36 months, it’s 6:1; for 24-36 months it’s 7:1; and for 2 1/2 to 3 years it’s 8:1. It also doesn’t depend on the youngest child in the group but on the youngest significant portion of the group. So you could have one or two kids who are 22 months, but if the rest are 24 months or older your ratio is still 7:1. In Connecticut, the ratio for the entire birth to 3 range is 4:1 and then 10:1 for 3-5 years. If you have a single two-year-old and the rest are three, your ratio is still 4:1 because it depends on the youngest child in the group. And having been a toddler teacher, let me tell you, four is more than enough for a single teacher. So I’m debating with myself whether or not I really want to continue with child care if that’s the situation I’d be coming into. Maybe a part-time job in retail would actually be preferable, much as I’ve always disliked retail work. The best situation would of course be working with animals. ::sigh:: Still, we won’t suffer too terribly if I don’t work for a little while.

I still find myself thinking about Zach every so often. It’s hard not to actually, since I see his photo every time I walk down the hall, and even sitting here at my desk. We don’t text the way we used to, which makes me sad. And it seems like the point where we broke much of our contact was when I got out here. Once I was back with Alan. So it makes me wonder if Zach entertained the same ideas I did, since he seems unwilling to continue when the fact of me being married to his brother is so much more concrete. But I do miss him. It always made me smile to see his name on a text. I know. Bad Liz.

Of course, inappropriate attractions aren’t all bad. I am feeling inspired once more to get to the gym. I’ve been so lazy lately that I’ve barely considered the fact that I have a fitness center at my disposal. I’m really one of those people who thrives on a schedule and a routine, but it’s been hard for me to establish one just yet. Right now I’m just kind of drifting and I really do need to set myself straight. On that note, I am planning a trip to the gym today, probably just as soon as I’m done with this entry. I think I’ll print out some calendar blocks too and make myself a schedule to stick to. Being a housewife is not for the faint of heart.

~Liz