You know

Wow. I’m not doing well. Past the detoxing for trump shit and … I don’t want to bitch about health concerns, I’m going to do something about them. My precarious emotional state, that’s another matter. Ride it through I guess.

Here’s something that didn’t help; Spent an hour and a half on the phone with sunny. Fuck I can’t even remember if I wrote about that or not. Doesn’t matter, this is my catharsis, not yours. It’s not like there was any action, just a phone call. No, I didn’t forget how narcissistic she is, I mean everyone is a bit, it’s sort of how you maintain some sort of ego integrity, keep from giving yourself away all over. I just get a little sentimental sometimes. Like the song that’s hopefully above gets me sentimental. If I had to spend 90 minutes on the phone with Robbie Robertson asking me a favor, I’d get over the song too.

The upshot, or at least the stated upshot was that she wanted me to tell her sister to quit spreading lies about her, sunny. The part where she suggested what an honest person she was, I had the nerve to upset the monologue and suggest the opposite. She asked if I ever knew her at all. Three choices sprung to mind, read her chapter and verse of lies she’s told me, or lies shes told her sisters or keep my mouth shut. Fuck you, I need to be able to listen to somewhere down the crazy river; I kept my mouth shut. At the end of her history of been done wrong, I asked what she wanted from her sister. She said for her sister to acknowledge the truth. If there was any hope for us getting along, that killed it. I was looking for something like ‘to get her back in my life’.

Like any Sunny story, the courageous and upright Samaritan is beset upon by fill in the blank, oh, and she was abused by some boyfriend. Christ I’m glad it’s down to once every six years that I have to hear shit like that.

I should make it clear, she’s not my problem. Heh, I meant she’s got nothing to do with my state of affairs, but, she’s also not my problem in every sense of the phrase. See?

https://youtu.be/LloIp0HMJjc

I know the cure, but knowing it and taking it are wildly different. It’s a question of attitude, or mind of matter, law of attraction, however you want to put it; it’s the living here and now with a peek or two at the future. It’s a hell of a lot easier when the here and now is a hell of a lot easier. This is why people don’t ask my advice very often. Gratitude has something to do with it too, and putting out what you want back. It seems like years I’ve been in this dark room holding my head. It might help if I knew what was wrong with it, might not either.

Tired of reading myself whine.