Now with 92% less proofreading! and twice the exclamation points!

I love amazon reviews, readers digest should have a joke column with Amazon reviews, always funnier than humor in uniform. It’s funny, for wristwatches Amazon is the only place I know of that has the real price; a lot of online watch stores list a ridiculously high MSRP and then show you how you are saving, say, 83%! Amazon will list within ten bucks or so of the fake 83% discount. With amazon though I think some people buy a watch just to review it.

I picked up a couple of cheap automatic watches from jomashop, after checking amazon to see how the prices stacked; well, the fifteen-dollar difference was in Jomashops’ favor. Most of the Amazon reviews on the fifty-dollar Seiko went something like; I expected more when buying a high-grade watch from Seiko, one of the best names in luxury watches. Heh, it doesn’t even matter what comes after that. I gave ‘review was helpful’ to the three funniest. One of them even managed to get in “After three years it quit working quite so well, losing up to about a minute in a day!’ If I had fresh stiches, I would have busted them (snitches get stiches, I guess my snitch card has expired. Help a dawg out and nark yourself off to me so I can get the collar?)

The other was an invite with an MSRP of thirteen five (shit, that’s 1350.00) If my math is right, eh, that’s a big if, it’s like a 93% discount and they pass the savings on to you! (I always wonder what an Advertisement means by that, are they suggesting their competition pockets the cash and charges you, perish forbid, retail? That line is used a lot.). The amazon reviews for that are surreal, I mean one was from last week and amazon has been out of stock since the middle of February. For a nonexistent watch (from amazon) it received a fairly decent review. The emperor’s new watch, I guess. It did, however, suggest the watch was a poorly made fake. I don’t know someone could fake that watch at that price point, investment and novelty wise the fake would be of more value. I am very curious about the Japanese automatic caliber. Um, the performance of the Japanese caliber (that’s the guts that make the self-wind, um, wind, selfly or in a selfly manner). I’m sure that they are made with precision, the Japanese and Germans are very anal about that sort of thing. A German watch, however, matches the price point of Swiss movement. The Japanese ones are closer to the price point of one of those claw grab things at a chuck cheese. The Japanese have done some valuable innovations to the modern watch industry, though, unlike the one amazon reviewers opinion people do expect more out of a cheap-ass Seiko, they are a solid company, they even have a few high-end lines running upwards to 3,500.00. If I were dropping 3K or more, I’m thinking I wouldn’t get the Seiko.

It’s not like the more you spend on a watch the more accurate the time is. Time wise I kind of use a watch like a dictionary; it’s for reference, not a real page turner. My review of a dictionary would be something like; the OED brings ALL the words on the bus! A 25-dollar quartz Seiko will be more accurate over a year than a 37,000.00 Rolex. But, no one at the black-tie affair will be whispering about your watch, if you go to buy a car with your 25 buck Seiko, the salesman will clock your watch and go get himself a cup of coffee (heh, I said clock your watch. I couldn’t think of a synonym for clock, you know, check it out, give you the once over twice.)

Except for a wedding band, a watch is as close to jewelry as most men ever get. Oh, heh, that was one of the positive 50 buck Seiko reviews — the watch wasn’t working but the guys kid (he got him a watch for his sixteenth birthday. You know that was the day that kid started using drugs on account of this vale of tears being so fucking tragic and all) But the kid kept wearing the busted watch because he loved the look of it. And, yeah, sure, vanity will beat out time every time with the 16-year-old boy demographic. They really like the fat-ass (48mm and larger) watch with all the fancy extra dials and skeleton windows into the guts) multi-colored watch dial ones.

Wow. I was just planning on writing a short Facebook snort. How the fuck did this thing get so long? I managed to type 83% more and saying 59% less! I expected more from this cheap-ass entry! It stopped after only ten years! No words were harmed in the making of this entry.