happiness_in_a_pill : the misery

So, it’s early Sunday morning, six past one to be precise, and I’ve just finished watching "Erin Brockovich" on TV2. I’m listening to Marilyn Manson ["User Friendly" from Mechanical Animals]. And now it’s a remix of "The Nobodies".

My life has been pretty fucked up at the moment. I’ve been overly emotional and needless [lol, needles] to say it’s been having an effect on my friends. I can’t really explain it, but all my emotions feel amplified lately, intense high, deep depressions and painful mellows.

Was going to The Base today and picking up my friend, when she texted me and told me she had to change her plans. I was in a pissed off mood all day cause I was looking forward to hanging out with her. Then another of my friends’ start abusing me through text which got me really upset but everything is all ‘smoothed’ out now and everyone has apologised so all is well. The highlight of my day was going to The Warehouse -I’d probably relate this to the American "Wal-Mart" or "K-Mart" [we have k-marts down here too] and purchasing a *Burgundy* shirt for only $12.88, WHAT A BARGAIN LOL! If I’m not dressing up [in goth] I prefer to have a very kind of *Dark Business* look. There is absolutely no excuse for dressing like a slob. I would probably never leave the house if I wasn’t able to dress nicely. I mean, being the not so typical metrosexual I like to colour co-ordinate my clothes. Black and red hair, red shirt, black pants, black watch and shoes, red and black backpack. How many guys do you know who can accomplish that much? [Now Playing: Deformography, Marilyn Manson, Antichrist Superstar]. I think the reason why I do it is because I know i’m no looker so I decide to have people saying "Look at that ugly dude wearing a potato sack" they say "Hey, look at that ugly dude with the nice clothes. If he was better looking I’d totally go out with him". *Sigh* I think I just burned myself [in the "That 70’s Show sense of the term, not in the "1st Degree Hospital Admission" sense of the term]. So, even though it is now twenty eight to two in the morning I’m still getting texts from my friend, including spoon, my crush at work. We were going to meet at the Base [big outdoor mall thingy] and have a look around, but as I said some twenty-or-so sentences ago that wasn’t able to happen. Sometimes I think love is designed to be cruel. Other times I think that it’s only designed for some people. There is a quote somewhere in my room by a famous person [I have an urge to say Dorothy Parker, correct me if I’m wrong] but it says something along the lines of "Love discriminates against the ugly and stupid". Unfortunately, stupidity can be overlooked, I just wish, that in certain peoples eyes, I could be beautiful. That… I don’t know. Maybe I’m just being stupid and thinking that’s the reason when she doesn’t like my personality. I think I ignore that, because that would be to crushing to the reminants of my ego. If I have an ego left. I want to leave you with three sets of lyrics that will follow this entry as they are my favourite songs at the moment.

SI[mo]N Free

SImoN
happiness_in_a_pill

Strawberry Gashes
by Jack Off Jill

Turn her over
A candle is lit, I see through her
Blow it out and save all her ashes for me

Curse me sold her
The poison that runs it’s course through her
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over

Watch me fault her
You’re living like a disaster
She said kill me faster
With strawberry gashes all over

Called her over
And asked her if she was improving
She said "feels fine" it’s wonderful wonderful here

Hex me told her
I dreamt of a devil that knew her
Pale white skin with strawberry gashes all over all over

Watch me fault her
You’re living like a disaster
She said kill me faster
With strawberry gashes all over – all over

I lay quiet
Waiting for her voice to say
"Some things you lose and some things you just give away"

Scold me failed her
If only I’d held on tighter to her
Pale white skin that twisted and withered away from me away from me

Watch me lose her
It’s almost like losing myself
Give her my soul
And let them take somebody else get away from me

Watch me fault her
You’re living like a disaster
She said kill me faster
With strawberry gashes all over all over me

PaperDoll
by Kittie

I look at her in that paper dress…
I wonder why she won’t burn
She’s just a paperdoll, that’s all
Just a paperdoll
I dress her up, she knocks me down (2x)

They try her on for size
She fits nice, one size fits all
They try her on for size
She fits nice, one size fits all

Now her soul is dead
Now her body’s raw
You can’t numb her pain

Watch the blood run down her face
But don’t take notice
Watch the blood run down her arms
Please don’t take notice

I know you have her soul
I see it in your eyes
She knows you have her soul
And she sees it in your eyes

Now her soul is dead
Now her body’s raw
Wash away her pain

She wants you to ease her pain
She wants you to eat her remains
She wants you to ease her pain
She wants you to eat her remains

Apple Of Sodom
by Marilyn Manson

I found the center of fruit is late,
It is the center of truth today,
Cut the apple in two,
Oh, I pray it isn’t true,

I found the center of fruit is late,
Is the center of truth today,
I cut the apple in two,
Oh, I pray it isn’t true,

I’ve got something you can never eat,
I’ve got something you can never eat,
I’ve got something you can never eat,
I’ve got something you can never eat,

I take my heart and burn myself,
I turn the chord to stunt my growth,
I play to die in space,
So come on me, its now,
So come on me, its now,
Come on me, its now,
(I’m dying, I hope you’re dying too,)
Come on me, its now,
I’m dying, I hope you’re dying too,
I’m dying, I hope you’re dying too,
I’m dying, I hope you’re dying too,
I’m dying, I hope you’re dying too,
I’m dying, I hope you’re dying too,
I’m dying,I hope you’re dying too,
I’m dying, I hope you’re dying too,

Take this from me, (take me, take me,)
Take this from me, (take me, take me,)

One, two, three,
It is the sweet gone bad,
One, two, three,
You can’t learn to —- stale

I’ve got something you can never eat,
I’ve got something you can never eat,
I’ve got something you can never eat, [repeat till fade]