happiness_in_a_pill : relation complication
So… In a rare occurance, I’ve found someone interested in me. I don’t know if they love me, but they want to fuck me so I guess that’s good enough. They’re good lucking, two months younger than me, and actually likes me. But I confuse myself and everyone else. I want to be able to be in a relationship, but I have too many things I have to conquer before I get into a relationship, I couldn’t bare burdening someone with what I go through.
[By the way, the title refers to a RELATIONship, I’m in no way interest in incest]
Here’s some info about me.
1. Who are you? Simon
2. What are the 3 most important things everyone should know about you? I love music, movies and reading. i love my friends. i love drinking and sleeping.
3. When you aren’t filling out 5,000 question surveys like this one what are you doing? Working at BK, sleeping, hanging out with friends.
4. List your classes in school from the ones you like the most to the ones you like the least (or if you are out of school, think of the classes you did like and didn’t like at the time). Media Studies, Food Technology, Computers, Legal Studies, History, English [i love english but the teacher was a cunt]
5. What is your biggest goal for this year? To be successful in my own eyes.
6. Where will you be in 5 years? Still learning, on my way to becoming a psychologist, hopefully loving life and being happy.
7. What do you want to be when you grow up? I think I am, but otherwise, I hope to be a clinical psychologist.
8. Are you more child-like or childish? Both, depending on my mood. More childish I imagine
9. What is the last thing you said out loud? "I’m so fucking furious"!
10. What song comes closest to how you feel about your life right now? "How To Save A Life" by The Fray
11. Have you ever taken a martial arts class? Yes, I annoyed the hell out of my sensai.
12. Does your life tend to get better or worse or does it just stay the same? Stays the same; miserable
13. Does time really heal all wounds? No, scars are always present.
14. How do you handle a rainy day? Just like a normal day.
15. Which is worse…losing your luggage or having to sort out tangled holiday lights? Luggage, although it’s never happened I’d hate to lose my belongings.
16. How is your relationship with your parents? Interesting. Secrets are the pillars of it.
16.B: Will you miss them when they are gone? Absolutely.
17. Do you tend to be aware of what is going on around you? When I can, I am. Sometimes I lose all perspectives and my sense of reality.
18. What is the truest thing that you know? Friends are the best thing you can have.
19. What do you want your life to be like, as the future takes clearer shape? A relationship. It’s the only thing I can’t handle, and I want it so bad.
20. Has you ever been given a second chance? Yes.
21. Are you more of a giver or a taker? A giver
22. Do you make your decisions with an open heart? Yes.
23. What is the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to you? Extenstive self mutilation or my bicycle accident [hill + curb = a belief that fat men can fly]
24. What is the most emotionally painful thing that has ever happened to you? My great friend/unrelated sister killing herself.
25. Who have you hugged today? Mim, Nikki
26. Who has done something today to show they care about you? No-one
27. Do you have a lot to learn? Yes, everyone does.
28. If you could learn how to do three things just by wishing and not by working what would the be? Learn to speak French, how to cure depression, how to make excessive amounts of money without lifting a finger.
29. Which do you remember the longest: what other people say, what other people do or how other people make you feel? What other people say and how other people make me feel.
30. What are the key ingrediants to having a good relationship? Number 1 ingredient in a relationship is trust [Dawn Of The Dead], Committment, Love/Friendship.
31. What 3 things do you want to do before you die? See my friends happy, make a contribution to the world, publish my anthology.
32. What three things would you want to die to avoid doing? Seeing a friend die, accept a future at burger king for the rest of my life, dealing with uncontrollable grief.
33. Is there a cause you believe in more than any other cause? Curing cancer and depression.
34. What does each decade make you think of:
The 19..
20’s: Vaudville
30’s: The Depression
40’s: WWII
50’s: The Suburban Dream
60’s: Peace, Love and Drugs
70’s: The Disco
80’s: Bogans
90’s: Pop music [eww].
35. Which decade do you feel you belong in? The present/future
36. What is your favorite oldie/classic rock song? "November Rain" by Guns ‘N’ Roses [that’s old for me].
37. If you could say any sentence to the president of the usa what would it be? Forshame.
38. What’s your favorite tv channel to watch in the middle of the night? Probably PrimeTV because it has Fox News.
39. What Disney villain are you the most like? The one from Snow White.
40. Have you ever been a girlscout/boyscout? No.
41. If you were travelling to another continent would you rather fly or take a boat? Fly, I love flying.
42. Why is the sky blue during the day and black at night? Because we face the sun during the day, and we’re face space at night.
43. What does your name mean? Don’t know.
44. Would you rather explore the deeps of the ocean or outerspace? Space.
45. Word association
what’s the first word that comes to mind when you see the word:
air: floating
different: everything good
pink: ribbon
deserve: A cure
white: virginal, pure
elvis: conspiracy
cilantro: the magic bullet infomercial
heart: broken
clash: the
pulp: orange, gross
46. If you could meet any person who is dead and famous who would you want it to be? William Shakepeare
47. What if you could meet anyone alive and famous? Jessicka, Marilyn Manson, Dita Von Teese, Billie Joe Armstrong, Amy Lee
48. Is there a movie that you love so much you could watch it everyday? Scary Movie 3 [it always makes me laugh], Final Destination 1,2 & 3, Empire Records.
49. You are going to be stuck alone in an elevator for a week. What do you bring to do? Books to read, iPod with unkillable battery.50. Have you saved someone’s life, or has yours ever been saved? Yes, both.
51. Be creative. Make up a definition for the following non-exsistent word:
fruitgoogle: Searching for that elusive fruit.
52. What was the last thing you made with your own hands? Poetry.
53. What was your favorite toy as a child? My teddy bear.
54. How many TV’s are in your house? Around 6, 4 work.
55. What is your favorite thing to do outside? Sit in the shade.
56. Have you ever seen a rainbow? Hasn’t everyone?<
br />57. Have you ever dreamt a dream that came true? Yes, I get deja vu a lot..
58. Have you ever been to a psychic/tarot reader? No, but I hope to.
59. What is your idea of morality? Only the good should live.
60. Do you believe in heaven and if so what is it like? I don’t believe in heaven. I believe in the Summerlands.
Do animals go to heaven or just people? The Summerlands are for everyone.
61. Do you believe in Hell? Yes, I’m living in it.
62. What one thing have you done that most people haven’t? Written and typed my anthology [just need to print it].
63. What is the nicest thing you have ever done? I don’t keep count. I’ll only do a nice thing if someone deserves it. Maybe, been really kind to a customer?
64. Are you a patient person? Absolutely not!
65. What holiday should exist but doesn’t? Waikato Anniversary Day.
66. What holiday shouldn’t exist but does? Easter/Christmas; I mean come on, christian holiday = yes. anything non denominational religion holiday = no.
67. What’s the best joke you ever heard? From a Guy: "I was fingering my g string so hard last night that I broke it"… "What the FUCK DUDE?!?!?" "Fuck! MY GUITAR’S ‘G’ STRING!!! GUITAR!!!"
68. Where is the most fun place you have EVER been? Big Day Out [Music Festival]
69. Is your hair its natural color? The roots are.
70. Do you have any deep dark secrets? Many.
71. What is under your bed right now? A cabinet with old momento’s in it.
72. If you were in the Land of Oz what would you ask the wizard for? A cure for depression.
73. If you drive do you frequently speed? No, I almost always follow the speed limit, if I go over it’s for a couple of seconds at the most.
74. What is the world’s best song to dance to? Anything by Peaches or Minuit.
75. What song was on the last time you danced with someone? Something by Peaches at the Big Day Out.
76. Do you prefer Disney or Warner Brother? Warner Brothers.
77. What is the first animal you would run to see if you went to the zoo? Lion or something. I don’t know.
78. Would you consider yourself to be romantic? Tragically so.
79. If the earth stopped rotating would we all fly off? No, if it reversed rotated we would.
80. What is the one thing that you love to do so much that you would make sacrifices to be able to do it? Sleep
81. If you (and everyone else) had to lose one right or freedom but you could pick which one what would you pick? I honestly don’t know.
82. If you had to choose would you live on the equator or at the North Pole? Equator probably, closer to life.
83. Would you rather give up listening to music or watching television? Neither! Both are really important… but if I have to answer… Television probably.
84. What do you think makes someone a hero? Being/Doing something that you aspire to.
85. What cartoon would you like to be a character in? Family Guy.
86. Name one thing that turns your stomach: Homophobia/Racism/Confrontation.
87. What was the last thing you paid for? A lighter cause I thought I didn’t have one.
88. Que pasa? I learnt a little spanish… not this though.
89. Get anything good in the mail ever? Yes.
90. Which would you rather take as a gym class…dancing, sailing, or Bowling? Bowling.
91. If you died but were instantly cloned and the clone retained all of your memories and characteristics and continued living on as you, would it be you? No, because I died.
92. What insects are you afraid of? Fatherfucking Spiders.
93. If you could print any phrase on a T-shirt, what would it say? Stop Crying Emo Wimp.
94. What’s the most eccentric thing you have ever worn? Black lipstick, eye liner, mascara, eye shadow, black shirt, black pants, black skirt.
95. If you could pick one food that you could eat all you wanted of forever and not gain a single ounce from what food would it be? Hawaaiiaan Pizza.
96. What are your parents interested in? Music, I don’t know what else.
97. Have you ever caught a butterfly? Yes.
98. Do you do more wishing or planning? Planning.
99. What do you think of the following TV shows?
get smart: never seen it.
cribs: depends who’s on it.
m.a.s.h.: cause suicide is painless… it brings on many stages… and I can take or leave it as I ple-ease.
roswell: never got into it.
daria: Vaguely remember it being good.
pop up video: never heard of it.
spongebob squarepants: i miss the days it was good.
invader zim: best. nickelodeon. ever!
The Bachelor: Waste of time.
Joe Millionaire: See Above.
100. You are spending the night alone in the woods and may bring only 3 items with you. What do you choose? Book, iPod, Food
101. What does joy physically feel like? Like everything’s going to be alright.
102. List the three people you love most starting with the one you love the absolute most.
a. Mim & Nikki
b. Star & Shonte
c. Lena & Elli
103. How many movies have you gone to see this month? None, the last movie I saw was Happy Feet. *Sad I Know*
104. If you could have 3 wishes…but none of them could be for yourself, what would you wish for?
[1] Cure cancer
[2] Happiness for my friends & family forever
[3] End racism & homophobia
105. In what ways do you relax and unwind when you are really tense? Movie/Music/Sleep/Food
106. How much money would it take to get you to drive to a public place naked (in the springtime) and get out of the car? $10,000,000
107. Are you very sophisticated? I think so, and have been told so.
108. Are you more likely to be up on the current style or setting your own style? I do my own thing when it comes to style.
109. What do you think of cloning? Depends on the use of it.
110. What do you do more often, read or watch TV? The same, whenever I read, I’m watching tv and vice versa.
111. Are you willing to sacrifice rights and freedoms for increased national safety? No.
112. What is the best punishment you could come up with for Osama Bin Laden if you caught him alive? Have a plane run into him.
113. Have you ever named an individual part of your body? Nope.
114. Have you ever been on the radio or on TV? Lots on the radio.
115. Have you ever won a lottery, or sweepstakes prize? If instant kiwi’s count ten yes.
116. Have you ever won a contest or competition? Yes, karaoke when I was younger.
117. Do you find The Joy of Painting with Bob Ross to be a very calming show to watch? Never heard of it.
118. Do you know what your grandparents and your great grand parents did for a living? Nope
119. Is there anything really interesting in your family history? No.
120. Is there anyone you trust completely? Mim/Nikki
121. Do you believe in God? No
122. Why do you feel that America has never had a president that wasn’t male, Christian and white? Because they won’t let a president in that doesn’t fit the criteria listed in the question.
123. Would you rather have an indoor Jacuzzi or an outdoor pool? I don’t know what a Jacuzzi is… So heated outdoor pool probably… I don’t know… BOTH!
124. What things are you interested in that you explore on your own? Murders, Serial Killers, Medieval Torture [all sounds so odd, I know, but I’ve always been fascinated in it].
125. Would you consider yourself to be intelligent? Yes, and I’ve been told I am as well.
126. Would you consider yourself to be wise? Yes.
127. Would you pay 100 dollars to be able to slide into a pool of Jell-O? No.
128. Have you ever helped out those who are less fortunate than you? Yes.
129. Have you/would you ever creep into the subway tunnels to go exploring? We don’t have a subway in NZ, at least I don’t think so.
130. If you could add 70 years to your life but only by making someone else die 70 years sooner would you? No.
131. Can you finish any of the following lyrics?
a: I dust my lemon lies with powder pink and sweet… No idea.
b: this girl named Carol follows Darrel every gig we play… No idea.
c: I could make a film and make you my star… No idea.
d: If you had my love and I gave you all my trust… Would you comfort me. Yes, I’m ashamed to know this is by Jennifer "J.Lo" Lopez.
132. Are we having fun yet? No, I’m tired.
133. Would you rather be the president (Prime Minister) or a rock star? Rockstar, you’re more liked, more famous, richer and more influencial.
134. Have you ever given someone a love letter that you wrote? Yes…
135. Have you ever sent someone a surprise though the mail? Yes.
136. Are you looking forward to any concerts right now? Evanescence
137. What’s the best-animated movie you’ve ever seen? Chicken Run.
136. Is nuclear war something you worry about? No, unless some stupid twat pushes the button.
137. Are you a leader or a follower? I’m the one on my own path.
138. What are the best bands/songs to listen to while driving? Peaches, Minuit, Marilyn Manson, Evanescence, Jack Off Jill, Green Day, My Chemical Romance, Lot’s of bands.
138. Do you have bumper stickers on your car? Yes.
139. What (to you) is the most amazing thing that anyone has ever accomplished? Never thought about it, so I don’t have an answer.
140. What could a guy/girl do to impress you? Be interested, be confident and be attractive [in my opinion].
141. About how many e-mails do you get a day? Between 10-15.
How many of them are junk mail? 3, the rest are from things I’ve signed up for. None are from actual human beings [except on a rare occasion]. Sad.
142. What’s your favorite thing to do online besides write in your diary and hang out at this site? YouTube, MonstersGame, PostSecret.
143. Do you believe Kurt Cobain killed himself or was it a conspiracy? I don’t know, but I hope he is happier now.
144. Would you rather drive across country or fly? If it was free? Drive. Otherwise fly.
145. What/who would you bring with you on a road trip? Nikki, Mim , Star, Shonte, iPod, Money.
146. What will you dress up as for next Halloween? I don’t celebrate halloween.
147. At about what age do you think you will be ready to settle down and get married (or at what age did you get married)? Around 30. I have so much I need to get sorted in my life first.
148. Austin Powers one, two or three? One.
149. What movie are you most looking forward to seeing when it comes out? None at the moment.
150. What is your quest? To be myself. To be happy and content with myself.
I’m no longer in love with the person I was…
…And I’m worried this person won’t wait for me…
…I don’t want to lose him, even though I don’t really have him…
i REALLY need a drink.
-SImoN
happiness_in_a_pill