this little light of mine, im gonna let it shine

well first off i gotta say….i was so shocked at how many comments i had on my last entry  haha i was  surprised anyone would want to read that whole thing! well it makes me happy that people actually find my writing interesting lol and man everyones comments really gave me a laugh! i needed that lol

yea stalker boy followed me all over the gym again today. i was like doing my crunches, and then suddenly he was looming above me…..and continued to follow me from machine to machine, finally i was like "um hey arent you going to work out?" and he was like "oh yea, i was just waiting for my workout partner, i feel kinda awkward being here without anyone i know around and all so until he gets here i was just trying to make convorsation. if im annoying you i can leave…"

oh geez, how can i tell him to leave me alone? i felt bad for him! i know what its like to feel weird in a place where you dont know anyone and you’re alone….so i decided to let him tag along with me on my workout 😛 . i think he got the hint though that i wasnt in much of a talking mood because all my answers to his questions were short and to the point…why cant i just be a bitch and not care? i care too much….

anyyyyyy who this entry is not about stalker boy, this entry is going to be the entry i wrote yesterday but for some reason didnt get saved and so now i have to write it all over again! *breathing hard….whoo what  a sentence*

ok so here goes.

lately , almost every single time i randomly come apon a girls diary entry, its an entry of a girl saying

"OMG I FEEL LIKE A FAT COW BECAUSE IM NOT A SIZE ZERO!" or "today i ate an apple, thats 20 calories, and 2 tic-tacs which is 2 calories, and a yogurt which was 100 calories, i think im doing pretty good!"

OMG how can people live like that? what made me sad was that i used to be like that myself. i used to look at myself every day in the mirror and pick out everything i didnt like about my body, or talk about how fat i felt in front of my friends….i never really knew how much it annoyed them until i started hearing other people say it around me. and man its a downer! Any who, after being so negative towards myself for so long, and comparing myself to other girls, i knew i had to do something!

so ladies, if anyone is reading this, if you are interested these are the steps i have taken so far to regain my positive thinking and to begin really loving myself and feeling pretty! of course, this wont change the fact that girls check out other girls, alll  the time, we cant help it. we will always compare, its just about being able to feel better about ourselves.

first off

if you are one of these girls that pretty much loath themselves, but you work at a place like abercrombie and fitch, quit. if you already dont like yourself, being in a place like that wont hep you in any way, in my opinion.

ok so heres what i did

first, i stopped weighing myself. yea for a while it drove me crazy but then i just forgot about it. in the last year i only got weighed twice for health reasons. the longer i was off the weight scale, the less i cared about my weight. people will ask me how much i weigh now and i just say 120 but i really dont know haha, its my estimated guess.  I started to only go by how i fit in my clothes.

next i started forcing myself to say nice things about my body every day in front of the mirror. starting with what parts i liked best! I also bought myself sexy matching bras and undies to wear under my clothing. even if nobody is going to see them , wearing something sexy underneath your clothing when you go out can change everything from your energy to your stance. it can really make you feel more confident and people will notice!

i stopped focusing on having a goal like weight loss and started to just focus on my health! eating right, and excercising! of course, you have to indulge every now and then!

OH and another thing! i dont care what people say, new clothes always helps brighten up a mood! there is nothing like finding the perfect outfit and then wearing it the next day feeling like you’re a model or something lol. 

believe me i know we all have our ugly days too, one of those days you look in the mirror and go….ugh ew i look terrible, and then you go out, to wherever, feeling unnatractive and so all your energy is pulled in because you dont want to be noticed. and usually people dont.  sometimes it can really bring down your whole day, but when you put on that new outfit that you just adore, look in the mirror and you know you look great, it shows! and  people notice! its all about the energy i tell ya! you might get a look here, a compliment there, but confidence is always attractive.

yup a new outfit can almost always make you feel at your prettiest!

and whenever i start to feel a little twinge of hopelessness, i remember what my mom told me.

change is two steps forward, and one step back! it takes time.

today, i was shopping at a sample sale, and came apon the cutest cami i had ever seen! but it was low cut and so i emediately thought "oh this just wont work, my boobs are too big and if i wear a low cut shirt like this, i’ll look like i want sex wherever i go" but i tried it on despite my thoughts, and OH MY GOSH, the cups of the cami actually covered really well leaving no cleavage….and miracle of all miracles…the hem of the cami tactually went UNDER my boobs! I WAS SOO HAPPY! lol

guys, i know you might never understand this, unless you are gay, but really, there are so many simple things that make girls happy.

anyways im out

hannah