The calm before the storm

Within two weeks Sam became my boyfriend. I don’t normally move that fast. Actually I’ve never moved that fast, but I just knew that I could trust him and he made me feel safe and secure. He treated me as if I was the only girl in the world.

Then one Saturday morning, before I left for my spiritual development class, he said “Hey, let’s make some coffee and go outside on the porch. I need to talk to you about some stuff.” He seemed very serious. My heart sunk because this is what has happened to me every time I was in a happy dating situation in the past. Things would be great until BAM I realized they were emotionally abusive, or had another girlfriend, or had a drug problem. So now I couldn’t help but wonder and be scared of what this might be.

We went outside on the porch with our coffees in hand and he grabbed us two chairs. He told me that what he was about to tell me was something he doesn’t tell many people because he doesn’t like talking about it, but he liked me a lot and knew I had the right to know. He then proceeded to tell me that his last girlfriend of three years used to have psychotic episodes and beat the shit out of him every now and then. when he called the cops on her she would lie and he would be arrested. He said he stayed with her because when things were good they were really good and she was the love of his life, but she had bipolar symptoms.  He finally ended up taking her to court because of it all, but the evidence was completely thrown out and the judge and jury completely sided with her lies. It was all fucked up. He was sentenced to 14 days in jail and required to go to anger management classes. The fees from everything put him in a lot of debt and he was homeless for a while. He said he was so embarrassed and ashamed of who he was back then.

As I sat there listening to him I thought to myself “The man he’s describing is nothing at all like the man I’ve seen so far and have been getting to know. Sam would never put up with someone treating him like that. He’s smart and strong.”

I told him this and said how sorry I was that happened to him. I told him he didn’t deserve that and I honestly could understand a little bit why he stayed because I too stayed in relationships where I allowed someone to mistreat me ( although I would never have stayed if someone put their hands on me ).  I said to him that his part is his part and it was 3 years ago. He’s had a lot of time to work on stuff since then and I could see that he’s definitely grown a lot.

I thought that was it. I could handle a damaged past for sure, but he told me there was one more thing. After breaking up with his girlfriend he was heart broken and ended up sleeping with one of his coworkers. She told him she was on birth control and so they didn’t use a condom. it was just sex. A couple weeks later she  tells him she’s pregnant. He did not want to have a child with a complete stranger, but she said she was keeping it, so he said he would want to be a part of the child’s life. She told him only if he moved on with her and helped be a father to her two other kids as well, which were from two other men. He said no and so she refused to see him or let him be a part of his child’s life. He used what money he had left to talk to a lawyer, but there was nothing he could do. Because of his falsely accused arrest sentence for battery she was able to get the court to side with her and he had to pay child support. Hes still paying three years later and has not seen his child.

I was speechless. A part of me was heart broken and another part of me was angry. Not at the situation, but at him for not telling me before asking me to to be in a relationship with him. I deserved to have that choice knowing all of the facts. This was huge and I felt disrespected. I told him that’s this was a lot of information to process and I needed a day to think on it. I said I didn’t know what to say except that my heart broke for him and I had compassion for his situation. I could tell by the look on his face and his demean that he was expecting this to be our last conversation.

As heavy as it was, that was actually the perfect time to talk about everything since I was going to be in a healing environment that day in my spiritual development class.

There was no hiding how sad and upset and torn I was. I felt physically ill and everyone in class could tell. My teacher Monty asked if I needed some healing and I said yes. He guided me through a quick grounding and meditation so that I could set aside those worries for the time being and focus on class. It gave me some temporary relief and I felt like I could breath again. My mom was really concerned and sure passed me a note saying that if I wanted a private session with Monty after class that she would pay for it. I was planning on asking him anyway so I was grateful.

After class finished at 3:30pm I asked Monty if he had time to have a session with me and he said he did and was happy to help. I told him my predicament and that the reason I needed his guidance was that I was at a crossroad. I needed to know if he was telling the whole truth and that if I stayed with him I would not be inviting any of his past into my life. I wanted to make sure I was protected. I’m usually so sure about my decisions, but this was a tough one. Also I didn’t want to leave on a four day work trip still stressing about it all.

Monty agreed that my reasons were legit ones, and he could already see that Sam was a legitimately honest and genuine man, but very private. Without me telling him he said “He doesn’t like taking about This and he feels embarrassed and ashamed of it. It was really really hard for him to tell you. He wanted to tell you earlier, but he was afraid of losing you.” I nodded and said that was all correct. He then pulled out his tarot cards and had me shuffle them and lay them out. The cards read true for what my gut was already telling me. He was in my life for a reason. This was destined and I’d regret it if I left now. All the signs pointed to good things.

I was so relieved. It was reassuring that my intuition was on point and I immediately felt so much better. I thanked Monty and expressed how grateful I was to him. Then I went straight to Sams house. He looked so surprised to see me. He told me he thought I wasn’t coming back. I said “I know and I didn’t know if I was either, but I knew one thing. That id regret it if I left now, not knowing what this could have been. You are remarkable Sam Beck and i’d be stupid to throw this away so quickly.”

I forgave him and we both agreed to not bring it up again. It was a happy ending to an emotionally draining day. Little did we know that something horrible was about to happen. Something that would affect everyone and make our relationship problems minuscule in comparison.