so last night…

The sooner you deal with a personal issue, the sooner you’ll be all ready and set to go when it comes to romance. Get some advice from a trusted friend — and follow it as soon as possible.

hmm interesting! yes there are personal issues i need to deal with, one being my being afraid of commitment. i mean if i was trevors girlfriend everything wouldnt be just about me anymore, my future plans would revolve around him! i mean id have to think about whether i wanted to leave or if i still want to be a flight attendant, i never expected to like someone this much. and i know i do like him, i finally figured it out, because we havent kissed or anything and i find myself sneaking out at 2am to go see him and missing him when i dont see him and talking so much about him :P. its nice to have someone care about me this way, im not used to it. ive never had someone say such nice things or really tell me waht they are thinking or feeling so that i dont have to worry if they like me or not. he is very open with his thoughts and well…im not haha. i feel bad cus i should open up more. here is our convo from last night tho…

trevor: so hannah….what is the plan with me and you?
hannah:hmm what do you mean?
trevor: well, i mean am i going to just be this guy that you’re dating? or are we going to end up just  friends? i mean i know we will be friends no matter what happens between us, but i dont know what you want right now.
hannah: well, i like you a lot trevor
trevor: yea i like you too, but where does that get us? i dont know hannah its just that i get this hesitant vibe from you a lot of the time, like you dont know what you want or like you dont know if you can trust me, but im telling you know that i have nothing to hide
hannah: i know trevor i know, you are really honest with me about everything, its not you its just me, some personal stuff i have to figure out
trevor: hannah you just need to relax. i think you are just scared, but you have to realize that im not the guy you last cared about
hannah: im not scared!
trevor: yes you are! you are afraid that you will get hurt again and have to go through all of that pain again, but im not going to hurt you hannah, not you, i care about you a lot.
hannah: you cant say you wont EVER hurt me trevor
trevor: well yes we might get eachother mad and have our differences and stuff but i mean i will always be honest with you and i will always treat you good hannah, id never cheat on you, id never hurt you like that
hannah: i know trevor i know you wouldnt do that
trevor: i think im good for you and you are good for me, would you disagree with that?
hannah: long pause…..no….
trevor: its just that i dont know waht else i need to say or do to convince you just relax and give me a chance.
hannah: but i am giving you a chance, i just dont know why you make me so nervous or why im afraid of commitment i dont know, i dont know what to say, all i know is that i really like you trevor, i like you a lot
trevor: i know, its just hard to talk to you because you are so shy, but you need to communicate with me more so that i know where you are at. i cant always guess what you are thinking and feeling hannah

why is it that my feelings for him scare me? man , if we went out he would be my first real boyfriend! i feel like i dont deserve to be treated so nicely. ive never blushed so much ^_^ im not used to someone telling me how much they care about me lol but i know he means it , because i dont feel like hes pressuring me at all, and hes very patient with me. most guys are fed up with me by now because of how standoffish i am, emotionally and physically, but he is sticking around because he likes ME ^_^
OMG OMG OMG OMG ITS SNOWING OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IM SO EXCITED ! lol ok i just happened to glance out the window and got off track, but yea i dunno, the way he looks at me, the way he hugs me, his smile, gosh i feel like such a girl 😛 he is so tall too! like 6’4 so he makes me feel really safe and secure and i dunno ^_^ i dont know how long this is going to last, but i hope it lasts for a while because i feel like this is the way ive always wanted to be treated.