so complicated
An outdoor kiss is the answer to everything that couldn’t be said or done under certain roofs. If the weather is cold or wild, that just turns up the excitement. You’re more eager than ever to shelter or keep each other warm > >
>thats my singles love horoscope for today, and….it just makes me wonder if that will really happen in kodiak….with Adriel. Adriel once said I was complicated….and its true, i am. One part of me reaaaaally would love to just jump into this feeling we both feel for eachother, and embrace it. But another part of me is scared to embrace such a strong feeling. Its just that, since he likes me too, whenever i feel like we get too close, i need to back away because im afraid of getting hurt. I think i may actually really care about him alot, i care about him so much that im afraid of losing him but at the same time i cant accept him. Sure we have talked about our feelings, but now that i know he likes me, and he knows i like him, and we are going to snowball together, im scared that it may turn into something intimate, even if its just while were together, ahhhhh i just dont know why im scared about our feelings. I mean its just scary, emagining getting so close with someone you have been friends with for so long, thinkin that maybe once something happens to change that friendship to something more, it will never be the same. Its not like if we kiss we are girlfriend and boyfriend, long distance relationships could never work out, but still, a kiss is a level we have never gone to before, let alone holding hands or any kind of intimate touch. I have liked adriel for so long and have been so used to just talking about our feelings and acting just like friends, that it would be a really scary thing to actually act like we liked eachother and act on our feelings. Thats a big step for me, even though its the one thing i want most. I dont even know if ne thing will happen at all when i see him , maybe nothing will, but i still wonder. Right now its my mind against my heart. I dnt know why i cant just go with the flow. Even Adriel holding my hand would be a dream come true to me. sigh im so confused! I guess ill just have to keep it cool and see what happens.
Hanna