sensitive

I am not sensitive in the way that my feelings are easily hurt, and I do not have a short fuse. I am not sensitive in the way that others might perceive me as breakable or fragile. When I say I am sensitive i mean it in the way that my mind is a pad of paper and my senses are extremely keen. I am constantly taking notes of everything happening between myself and another person. Every verbal and physical response, or lack of one,  word choice, integrity, character patterns, or lack of one. Then I begin to create my own theories based off of my findings.

This person is emotionally unavailable and will always keep me at arms length. This person cares but just doesn’t have the time to invest in a friendship with me. This person doesn’t care at all, but pretends to do as not to hurt my feelings.  This person wants to be closer to me, but is afraidto. I start to notice where the relationships stand on the scale. Are they tipping more to one side? Are they balanced?

This is how I live my life now. I have no time for scales that tip one way and I refuse to give more than what is being given in return. I do not have the time for that. Whether it’s a close friendship or an acquaintance I just want to know where I stand with people so I can figure out how much of myself I should be giving. And equal amount of effort is all I ask. Otherwise I’m going to assume that I have no value to you and will easily move forward than you can blink.