late/early entry

my horoscope for today!

Are you putty in somebody’s hands? Or more of a sculptor yourself? Have you been doing portraiture in Play-Doh? Or been the subject of a Silly Putty masterpiece? Either way, today’s a little bit Picasso for you
oook? what is that supposed to mean? Well today i made cookies. is that like playdoe? lol i dunno.
heres my singles love scope for today
You’re not really up to the intense social scene that’s raging around you, so maybe it’s a good time to chill out and think about what you want.
well id have to say  that i usually always think about what i want. right now im kinda liking this weekend of just chillin. i mean fright fest on friday was awesome. but a few days to myself is really nice. good to be able to contemplate and no have to worry about entertaining others.

ne who im counting this entry as october 16th even though its 1:16 am. very late and very early.  I talked to tony for 5 hours straight online today! it was crazy! I barely know tony, because ive barely hung out with him to really know who he is, but so far i have some ideas of how he is. he is very serious about work and goals, family is very important to him, he has religion, he is caring, sweet, funny, and is completely comfortable being himself. I feel very comfortable being myself when talkin to him too. Ever since winter break he started calling me and we’d talk. and he would make a joke about me being his future wife, and he’d talk about living here after highschool so we could be closer to eachother.  im definately attracted to him, and i didnt know whether he was joking, or if he was for reals. so i asked him today how he really felt about me.
this is parts of our convorsation.

tony- im just in awe

tony-you look so good
 
tony-you can smile its ok dont hid it

tony- i love this webcam thing

hannah-your making me blush :*)

tony-i know, i love it

tony-why are you covering your face like that?

hannah-i dunno i get all shy if guys compliment me

hannah-  dont want them to see me smile and blush

Tony-well i do it all the time dont i?

hannah- yea but you cant see me

tony- well now i can 🙂
 
tony-you obviously care about me A LOT

hannah- …

tony- :’-(

hannah- i dont know what to say!

hannah – havnent hung out with you enough to know how i feel about you
                 if we got to hang out for more then a year before i moved then id probably know

tony- 🙁

hannah-so far i know that you are very nice, very funny, very sweet, loving to your family, a hard worker, etc! and your very attractive, but i cant quite feel that click

tony-thats cause im not there to change your mind about that
 
hannah-its just hard to like someone when you only talk to them on the phone and internet and have only hung out with them 2wice

tony-i dont think you like me but i think you would if we were together

hannah- i think i would if we were together

tony- so would i 🙂

hannah- how exactly do you feel about me tony?

tony-honestly?

tony-truth? swear on my sisters?……

hannah- yea

tony- I…

tony- i have this unexplainable admiration, care and hope to be with you…i
           really dont know what it is

tony-i cant tell you why, and i know its over the phone and internet but….i just cant say

hannah- you cant tell me why? hmmm

tony- well i can, its just hard to put into words

tony-well i thought of u as a mysterious person when i first met you in middle school
 
tony- you were very quiet

tony- but when i hung out with u during break you were so awesome and outgoing

hannah-you changed a lot

tony- you changed a lot more though, by far

tony- you are so beautiful

tony- yea go ahead, change the subject, act like it didnt mean anything

hannah- so, do you want to know how many miles it is from my house to bend in oregon?

tony-you found out? sure

hannah-311 miles!

tony- a 6 hour drive
blah blah blah blah blah……

tony-so is it tough over there? like streetwise? gangs?

hannah-nah, not here, maybe 20 minutes outside of port orchard tho. thats scary.

hannahy-arent there lots of gangs in kodiak now?

tony-kodiak is full of people who think they are tough, but in la and oakland, you wouldnt 
          stand a chance

hannah-well my brother said the last time he went to kodiak lots of gangster guys were
               threatening him.

tony-were they phillipinos?

hannah-yea, nothing against them though

tony-hannah……….

hannah-yea?

tony-you are so beautiful

tony-did i mention that already? I dont remember if i did or not, but yea you are

long pause

hannah-lol, you  just say stuff out of the blue like that! 

hannah-ne who….

tony- if i was there id kiss you on the cheek out of the blue

tony- you wouldnt even expect it

hannah-you already did the last time we hung out in kodiak

hannah- i hugged you goodbye and you kissed me on the cheek

hannah- i was surprised

tony-soft cheeks too if i remember correctly

hannah-red cheeks now

hannah- ummm so has it snowed yet in kodiak?

tony- why did you change the subject like that?

tony- lol you dork 😛

tony- if it bothers you ill stop

hannah-no, its nice, i dunno i just get all i dunno, i dont know what to say lol

tony- im just tryin to make you feel good, i hope it

s working 🙂

hannah-so you were just sayin that to make me blush? or you were really thinking it?

tony-no, i was sayin it forrealz. you just happened to blush. i guess that comes with the
          package

hannah-lol, you make me feel pretty….thanks

tony- i could make you feel other things too

tony-happy, motivated, instead of pretty, beautiful

hannah- so what do you like about “me” tony?

tony-oh were going into details now huh?

hannah-well id like to know im more than beautiful

tony- if i was there id SHOW you that your more then beautiful. id whisper the words in your ear

hannah- nevermind

tony-what?!

hannah-nothing, thats just not what i wanted to hear

tony-i know what im tryin to say but its just hard to type it down

tony- my mind is going a million miles an hour and my hands can only go ten

tony- im simply tryin to tell you how much i care about you. what you mean to me, and how i can impact you greatly

hannah- i know that, i just wanted to hear why

tony-you dont know what its like to really have someone care about you, until you’ve   had it. and im not willing to give that to just anybody

hannah-i know this is insulting to ask. but i have a lot of distrust in men because of many of my experiences. how can i know that everything your sayin right now is the truth? when i really dont know you that well?

tony-you know, thats a good question, and something i understand

tony-but i think you know me well enough to decide for yourself

tony-you are thousands of miles away, why would i play a girl in another state?

hannah-i dunno, im sorry if i insulted you

tony-nah its cool

hannah-so then, ill ask again, what do you like about me?

tony-well, you really have a passion for things, not just a liking, but a passion

tony- not for material things, but for intangible things

tony-you like people that have a good heart and care for others

tony-i know you would never wanna get with anybody who would hurt others

tony-much like me, that is a HUGE thing that attracts me to you

tony-everybody could use a little help, thats why you volunteer right?

hannah-right 🙂

hannah-thats what i wanted to hear

tony-well you heard it, and from a guy who cares about you bunches and bunches, what
          more could you ask for?

hannah- to be able to hang with you more so i could really know you, not just how you
                are, but who you are

hannah-then maybe id feel the same

hannah-i dont really know how i feel about you right now

tony- i think you do feel the same, you just wont admit it

hannah- tony, the truth is…

hannah-so far since i met you, since ive been talkin to you long distance, i  think you are truly a wonderful person, but a part of my heart is still in love with adriel

hannah- thats the reason why im not really able to care for someone else right now, getting over him will take a while.

tony-is that so

hannah-im not over him, but i wouldnt go back. even if he came to me right now and told me he still cared, i wouldnt go back. it would be too late. he hurt me too bad

tony- are you crying?

hannah-no

tony-why did you move the cam? i cant see you

hannah- i dont want you to see me

tony- i understand

tony-well dont cry, im sorry if i said something wrong

hannah-no no, not at all, you move me with how much you care

hannah-you’re so sweet and so wonderful

hannah-it just saddens me that i dont feel the same way, and angers me that no 
               matter how i try, the feelings just wont go away, and i dont know how long it will
               take till they do

tony- me too

hannah- i dunno. i have this big fear that what if it never goes away? what if i never get over him? and i ask myself “will i ever be able to love the same way again?” and then wonderful ppl come along like you and i just wish these feelings would leave my heart

tony- people make mistakes, i can only think of how quickly adriel went from you to angela

hannah-well i wouldnt have cared if it was a girl in fairbanks he was dating, because we both
              agreed that we’d date whoever and whatever was meant to be was meant to be

hannah-but just the fact that he had a “long distance” relationship, really hurt

tony- see, what does that say

hannah-it made me feel like she obviously had something i didnt have, after all those years he
              said a long distance relationship would never work, but he could have one with her,
              just not with me

hannah-it made me angry because when i told him how i felt about him, he just said “well if you
              need time not to talk to me, i can understand” it was a cut like a knife

tony-i know how you feel

hannah- you do?

tony-you’d be surprised

tony- are you ok?

hannah- im never ok when i think about him. thats why i got myself doing so much this year in school and out of school.keeping myself busy. i wish i didnt think or talk about him. im sorry. i go on and on when im emotional

tony- haha its fine, go ahead

hannah-i put everything that reminded me of him away to keep me from thinking of him. even
              though hes still my best friend

tony- well thats good, but i dont think its good to let someone consume you like that to the  point where you have to be constantly doing something to keep your mind off him

hannah-well, thats love

hannah- we have  a strong history

hannah-him coming here to see me, me going to see him

hannah-our first kiss, and right after that……..

hannah-sorry, i just wanted you to know where im at before you decided you really care about
              me

tony-my care for you aint going anywhere

hannah-well thats what scares me, what if i do end up hanging out with you a lot and i dont like you?

tony-well ya know ,thats life, and i can only hope you will

hannah- i hope i will too

hannah- if you came down here we’d definately go on dates

tony- thats it, im gonna buy you a ticket to come here

hannah-WHAT! have you lost your mind! no way!

tony-well it would be easier for me, i wouldnt have to stop working

hannah-thanks for the offer but its ok, im most probably goin to go there after highschool on a road trip 🙂

tony- well i really hope you come, ne ways i gotta get to bed cus ive been online for nearly 5 hours talkin to ya

hannah- really? has it been that long? dang!

hannah-ok goodnight tony take care *hug*

tony-goodnight hannah *kiss*