i thought i was happy but….

sigh….everyone i know thinks im happy. at least they think i should. i mean yea im a model i have tons of friends,i live in a big house and have all the untilities a gurl could want, a loving family,etc…and even i thought i was happy with just that. doing the same thing every day, going through the routines,i really thought i was happy. but i was missing somethin…love. every day i see my friends with their bfs or they talk to me about a new guy that approached them. And then everyone is gettin dates for homecoming. and then i started noticing ppl holding hands,and so many ppl were perfectly in love, and my friends were gettin guys to like them and no guys at all had ever even talked to me,as much as even look at me.well i mean i talk to my guy friends but they like other gurls. i dont think im pretty ne more,or even special. i wish i was more then just ordinary. i feel like i just dont stand out anough, im just one of those gurls guys cant see. invisible thats what i am. i wish there was someone to make me feel special because i cant make myself feel special. i was very very lonely. and i keep tellin myself to wait for that special person but it just isnt gonna happen. so im deciding to give up. i think im gettin depressed i dunno. im becoming that shy unspoken secretive hide it all inside independent gurl i was in 7th grade. i dont say a word in class and i dont care if im not in the in croud (cus i dont know ne one in my classes) i dont try to make friends,i just find a seat where i can, do my work, and go to my next class. i work really hard and even if this certain guy tries to flirt i ignore him cus i know he will just distract me from the notes i was tryin to take. so far ive been doin very good in my work and im focusing on all of my friends who appreciate me and love me for who i am. im beginning to just not care. who needs love? certainly not me. im just fine…by myself…with my work…and friends…and i should be happy. perfectly happy. (sigh) well tomorrows another day. just a day just an ordinary day,ill try to get by.

Hannah

a verse from a song about how i feel

*am i not pretty enough, is my heart to broken, do i cry to much, am i too outspoken, dont i make u laugh? should i try it harder? why do u see right through me?

another verse from an avril lavigne song

i wake up in the morning, put on my face, the one thats gonna get me, through another day, doesnt really matter how i feel inside, cus life is like a game sometimes.