i must learn to be still again

my horoscopes for today:Trying to force it to happen now never helps anything. It is a great time to lay the groundwork for something at school or at work, but you may not see instant results. Bide your time.

eh, i dont try to force things to happen right away, but i wish they did 😛

Almost all your energy is going toward a new project with a long-term goal — but that doesn’t mean you can’t have some short-term fun. Get out to a party or at least a twilight walk, and enjoy the season.

hmm, what energy? i like parties but right now when i go to parties all i want to do is sit and talk. i just want to relax. a nice walk sounds great. i need to get out and find peace. i think ill go on a walk in the woods tomorrow.

gosh, i miss laying out in the quiet under the stars. even sneaking out of the house in 8th grade was so peaceful because nobody was out and there wasnt a peep to be heard. everything was still. stillness. i dont get much of that anymore. i miss it. i think that ever since i got my heart broken, all i ever did was jump into every extracuricular activity i could handle and always keep myself busy in order to not think about it. but it deep down i was always sad, and i still am. now im in this habit of having to be doing something almost all the time. when i was with the person i cared about the most, i was at peace, and now all i can do is run from myself. i need to learn to be at peace like that again, and realize that this pain isnt going anywhere. only time can kill it. i have to wait it out, and be still.