cant sleep….

well, ya, here i am…..sittin at the computer……at 1:30am…..cus i cant sleep…. i feel bad lately because ive been a different person sorta, i dunno more moody, complainy, somethin like that, maybe kinda inbetween. earlier i got in an argument with someone about something that i dont agree with and i got mad at them because of what they thought about it, and so i kinda hung up on them but not really (cant really explain) then i thought, why am i mad? and i realized im mad because i couldnt control what people did and what they thought, and i was mad about people i care about doing it. I realized i cant be mad at someone for not seeing my way, well of course i already knew that, but wen it comes to stuff like what we were fighting about, i get really serious cus im all like gun ho , be drug free, morals and shit. not cus im tryin to be a goody (which is wat everyone says ) cus its my decision, so i shouldnt be mad if my friends dont make the same. even if they make what i think are the wrong decisions.  i always get pressured though, and people keep bringing up drugs to me sayin “yea you should try it, its fun, you dont know until u try, you should live life wiht more risk, live life on the edge for once, blah blah blah” it makes me feel as if they are trying to tell me that im a boring person, and it hurts and it makes me mad because drugs are something man-made, it isnt a natural thing to do it, u just choose too, so i dont care what people say, im still a fun, spunky, adventurous girl even if i dont try new “things” i can still live life on the edge. kinda hard to here but o wells. i dont try to persuade people i know to stop smoking or doing watever i dont like, but whenever they bring it up to me is when i argue. god it makes me so mad tho, ppl are like, hannah u gotta catch up with the world, be what the world wants you to be, your somewhere in la la land, u need to look around and see what ppl think is fun now and do wat they do, blah blah blah, your in the past. well i dont think that goin around having sex all the time, doin drugs, giving oral sex, getting drunk, etc is the natural world. I feel as if im the only natural being and everyone else has gone haywire and tryin to get me to join. Im not sayin everyone who does those things in the world are bad people, watever choices they make are for them to decide if they are right or wrong, but i dont agree with those choices and i certainly dont beleive thats the way the world should be, and im really sick and tired of everyone telling me that everything i do is boring or goody or wrong, when i never persecute them for what they do. sure i worry, and i wish they wouldnt, but i never tell them “gosh thats grose, you should be like me, you should stop, blah blah” god its annoying. but hell yea if they are gonna confront me sayin that some drug they do is safe im gonna argue right back. sigh, i dunno why im blabbering on about drugs and shit at 1:55 in the morning, i guess its just cus this is the time when my thoughts run wild and stuff. i could go on and on and on forever, but im sure you dont want that, and im sure i dont either. ok well i think im about to  so i better hit the sack, adios, sianara, chow, peace, and everything else. i will write tomorrow, bye peeps.
hanny
p.s , im feeling guilty about eating this bag of mini elf fudge cookies, cus if oprah is right, then all of that just went to my hips since i ate it after 7:00pm. 😛 great, oh well, its about time i hit the tred mill ne ways.bye