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eh i dont care if you guys dont like reading all this mushy stuff but remember im not writing for all of you , i am writing for me! and when something makes me happy i am going to write a lot about it or whatever lol.

so anyway yea i like trevor a lot. i know cus last night when i got home from work (which was about 10:30 or so) i emediatley called trevor, because i saw he hadnt called and i wanted to hang out with him. well, nobody asnwered so i waited and went online up in my room and looked out the window to see if the light was on, and it was so then i decided to sneak over and see if his car was there just to make sure he was there or not. and his car wasnt there so then i went back up to my room and waited up till midnight. i was sad because i was starting to think that maybe he was too tired when he got home and he wouldnt call me, but then my phone rang and i was all excited that it was him lol. so i ran over next door to hang out. i had just taken my cough medicine however so after an hour i started to feel really drowzy and i closed my eyes while i was laying my head on his stomach. and then i felt his hand stroking my cheek and moving my hair behind my ears and my face got all red and it made me so nervous! and then after a few minutes he said "gosh hannah, your face is so perfect, you are perfect, you would be the perfect girl for me. i need to start playing with your hand because i cant stop looking at your face." i didnt know what to say so i said "trevor, you are really sweet you knwo that?" and he said "oh dont think im just trying to butter you up with compliments hanners, i just cant help but say something when i think it, it just comes out!" and my face got so red, and i got the heeby jeebies! then he took my hand to his mouth and kissed it 3 times! :-S he just makes me so nervous and makes me blush so much because he speaks what he feels and thinks so freely! he has no shame or embarrassment about what he thinks about me. i am totally the opposite. i will tell my friends about all the wonderful things i like about him, but i cant say it to him, and i have a really hard time opening up about things like that and sharing my thoughts. im a very closed person. he says hes determined to get me to open up a bit lol. but he makes me feel so beautiful. he also said the other night. "gosh hannah, im so glad i met you, you’re such a great person you know that? you amaze me all the time." and i said "me? amazing? im just little ordinary hannah!" and he said "yes, you are hannah, but you are…i dont know you’re you and thats why i like you so much, also the fact that you are really gorgeous" and he pinches my cheeks lol.  part of me is worried because i need to be more cautious. he really is a wonderful guy so far but i really dont know him that well. i mean how well can you know a person in a month? i like him, but i dont want him to try and kiss me or ask me to be his girlfriend because i really like the way things are right now. im not sure if im ready to make a commitment. i mean , if  i was to be his girlfriend, who knows how long that relationship could last? and suddenly, id have to start thinking about plans for both of us instead of just me! i could no longer just decide i was going to go be a flight attendant in alaska, or do whatever. i would have to worry about that and i would no longer have my independence….it would be so weird…..sigh, he scares me, this whole thing scares me. i didnt expect it to happen and i didnt expect to like trevor. i thought he would just be another guy that id date for a while and pass on by. but he’s making me like him more and more, the little things he says. but his words really match his actions as well. i know he means what he says because hes not one of those guys that are desperate to make me like them, and hes not trying to impress me. he is very sensitive to everything that goes on around him and he can sense my every thought and energy change and he notices things about me that i havent even noticed! hes very observant.  he knows how to deal with me because he already has a good idea of what my boundaries are just by seeing how i act. oh and another sweet thing he said last night " hannah, sometime this week i’m going to surprise you with flowers, you do like flowers dont you?" and my face got all red and i just nodded.  i feel like i dont deserve to be treated so nicely, i wonder what he sees in me to like me so much? sigh. whats goin on here????? :-S