See-through

Wednesday, 1:22 am
Listening to: "Empty Apartment" (acoustic) by Yellowcard

I see my reflection fading from your eyes. I look through my waist & see all the objects behind me. I reach for you, try to keep your from leaving. My fingers pass through your forearm. Tears fill my eyes & evaporate as they fall toward the ground.

(Really, OD? Must you interrupt me in the midst of writing an entry w/your stupid Bank of America video ads? Disappointing. I think all the ads are getting a big excessive.)

I’m feeling a little bummed again. It seems that my nights are always like this. I just feel lonely. Lately, I’ve felt put-out, looked-over. I should get over it.

I am annoyed that I haven’t hardly talked to Alicia for over 3 weeks now. Pretty much, all I’ve gotten from her is a Facebook message to tell me she lost her phone. I called her house tonight (landline) & talked to Jer. I asked him to have her call me back. She didn’t. I’m trying to shrug it off (it hurts less that way). I can’t help but wonder what kind of friends we are that she has no problem going three weeks w/o talking to me & can’t be bothered to call me or anything. Whatever.

I finally got my hair trimmed tonight. The ends were getting so dry & split. Serves me right for not having it cut for two years. It should grow faster now. I’m hoping to be able to donate it in June.

I hate my tough exterior b/c people think nothing gets to me. It’s really the exact opposite. I wish I could just drop it & show people (besides anyone that reads these entries) the real me.. but I don’t seem to be able to. I guess it’s something I’ve had for so long that I feel like I don’t even choose it anymore.

Anyway, I’m tired & haven’t eaten in around 12 hours. To boot, I have crew reviews to work on & a meeting at 3pm tomorrow (followed by an 8-hour shift).

I’d tell you that I’d be around on Thursday if I thought you even cared. Nevermind. I won’t bother.

"Does it hurt when you think about me
and how broken my heart is?"
– Yellowcard