Alright, Alright

Saturday, 1:18am
Listening to: "ACF" by Stabbing Westward 

Okay, I get the point. *someone* + Jeff wants me to write in here.  Sorry, I just haven’t felt up to the task of sharing myself lately.  Basically giving people little tips, making vague statements that I never intend to explain is the majority of sharing how I feel.

Went for a walk about 20 minutes ago.. had to take Misty (our dog) out. I walked along the street w/next-to no streetlights. I walked slowly & stared up at the moon & the stars. I love that ring around the moon.. something about it has always made me feel less alone. I felt a slight comfort knowing that they are all seeing the same moon. All the people I will never touch.. whatever, enough of that.

When summer comes around, I always wish I could sleep all day & awake at night.  I love the nights so much more than the days this time of year. They are more peaceful & beautiful than the days.  The days are too hot & the light is blinding & hurts my head.

I went to see Shutter Island w/my sister tonight. Pretty good movie. I kind of saw the end coming.  Sometimes I wish I’d just end up in a place locked away. Safe from the rest of the world & all it’s poison.  Other people are kind of like that. Like you can build a beautiful sand castle or paint a beautiful picture & they will come along & ruin it w/o a second thought.  I guess that’s why I’ve become more reserved.. Though w/some people, letting them in is just like an addiction. I can’t help myself. Sadly, though, these are always people that hurt me or let me down. Maybe I let them in b/c, to them, I want to prove that I’m not the heartless bitch I appear to be. B/c if i don’t show someone that I have humility & thin skin, that part of me will disappear forever.

All these thoughts, holding all this in is making my head hurt so I’ve taken something to put me to sleep swiftly.  I’m hoping it will put an end to the dreams as well. Seems I’ve have too many lately that have left me waking w/trails of tears on my face.

Whoever keeps leaving those unsigned notes. God, I wish it was the person I hope it to be.. but I know it’s not. Probably just some random person that reads this crap I crank out every so often.

Peace.