A Goof Nut?

Called my eldest today to let her know I was planning to visit tomorrow and planning to leave very early Friday morning (as in daybreak … so I can sleep at home before working the overnight shift).

She seemed …. distant …. almost irritated …. so I asked if this was something that would help her, or should I plan to come up to help with Nana and visit with her some other time?

Instead of answering directly, she asked me sharply “What are you saying? If you don’t want to come then fine … do whatever you want.”

I matched my tone to hers and said “NO, that is NOT what I’m saying. I am ASKING what YOU prefer.

She said “I’m a mess Mom, I don’t want anything but Dad and he’s gone and there isn’t anything anybody can do about it. Not you, not me. I should have been there with him. I shouldn’t have gone to get my nails done that night. I would prefer him to be alive. It can’t be. It can’t be. He was my person. We understood each other. The one single person in the whole world who understood me. We didn’t even have to talk, we just automatically knew what kind of mood the other was in and what to do to and when to do it when we were working together. I love you too Mom, but he was my person. He understood me I love you, but the way you hesitate and question everything and doubt yourself … I don’t understand that at all … you mean well, but sometimes you step forward when I want you to back off, and you back off just when I need you step forward. Of course I want you to come.

I said, I am willing, I am available. I’m not your Dad and I’m not trying to be … however I was about to tell you that my only concern is that I can’t find anyone to take care of the dogs so if I do come, they will need to come with me. That is NOT a problem for me. I just want to be sure it isn’t going to make a problem for you.

She said “Geez Mom, of course not. You’re such a goof nut.”

After our conversation, I looked up “goof nut” in the urban dictionary and wasn’t too pleased to be equated with a hyperactive giggling bullshitter. I can only hope she meant that in an endearing way rather than literally ….

Hmmmm.