Letter

It came up again recently and it has more than once in the past and I’m curious….why do you seem to be so interested in the things I have to say more so than the things I say that are quotes or whatnot from others? It seems weird to me that it seems to bother you. I’m really not sure why it does, but it almost seems like it disgusts you on some levels. Could be wrong though, that’s honestly just a guess and nothing more.

See, what I think is why should I rephrase something that someone else says more effectively? And on a deeper level, what am I really but a piece of everything here? It doesn’t matter what is said or thought or felt or done…on some level, in some way, I’m part of that, too as it is a part of me, we all are really. We’re all ultimately the same thing just scattered in different ways, I feel. So if someone else says it and I can feel it and understand it to the point where it becomes my words, my feelings, my thoughts and my pure emotional force, isn’t that cause for celebration? It seems like it should be, to me. I like feeling close and understanding and feeling at-one with others, even if it’s just for a moment. And…I don’t feel I’m good at putting things together, not really unless I really think about it and go slow. But when the times when I need to come, come, I rarely have the time to do that because…I don’t know. Because I’m not prepared I guess. But really I think it’s because I’m not so good at it. I don’t like feeling unsatisfied with how I phrase things. Hrm.

On the other hand, maybe you think I’m losing myself perhaps? Or am merely defining myself based on other things? Or maybe you just prefer what I have to say…but if so, why? Maybe I am…mmm…. I dunno. I’m just curious as to why is all.

Curiosity killed the cat after all, as it will me.