Blog #96

I woke up today with a feeling I’m not too fond of, one that I haven’t had for quite a while now.

I had a dream about Jacinta. We were talking again and there was some sort of business meeting going on in Orlando and she wanted to meet up with me via it. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to or not, didn’t know if it was safe to or not but I kinda got swept up in her wanting to go so I went through with it anyway. I even had a new name for the whole thing, one that I mostly forgot, though it starts with Jonathon, was something in the middle and there was a last name, wells. For some reason I got the impression wells was hyphonated just by how the name goes. Or maybe not, I’m not sure. Basically we talked and everything was going along alright and I was pretty worried about the whole thing. I didn’t want things to go down like they did last time…and I especially don’t want to upset her parents again because I really want to be close to Jacinta even if I’m not her boyfriend anymore…so I’m going to need to have a better relationship with them so they trust me instead of hate me. This one wasn’t my idea. >.< And I, sure enough got a call from her Dad…and I didn't pick up, my mother picked up for some reason, despite the fact that she doesn't live here. She said no, he doesn't live here and she talked to me and told me who was calling 'it was some guy looking for Jonathon something Wells' and I knew it wasn't the hotel, it was nothing like that, it was her Dad and he was pissed again and my heart just sunk.

I woke to a feeling of pretty intense dread. It’s mostly gone away by now, I’ve suppressed it, but it hit me like a damn hammer while it was there…I felt like curling up into a little ball and just sitting there. i didn’t exactly curl up, but I did stay there and I FELT like I was in a little ball all the same. My beds pretty thrashed too, I must’ve been more bothered than I realized. My mattress cockeyed at a 30 degree angle, too. Meh.

I dunno how to approach the parents thing. It’s gonna have to be approached eventually, but I don’t know how to do it. In some ways I wonder if I CAN do it. It’s going to be much easier to do what was done before and just avoid them….but that’ll just totally destroy any chances, no matter how slim they may be, of them actually liking me at some point. I know I’m not a bad guy…I’m really not. I think that…I’m probably pretty terrified of her father when it comes right down to it. He scares the HELL out of me. : Meh meh.