Blog #564

I dreamed I was walking through the forest on a dirt path, one of those double-rut deals on the back roads. It wasn’t an enjoyable, but not threatening or bad or anything either. I remember thinking about something but I can’t remember what. It was one of those moments where you’re doing something but you’re so deep in thought you tune out everything else around you. And then I looked up and saw that I was on the highway in the middle of my town and everything around me was burned, blackened and broken. And empty. It shocked me and my heart sank, sank deep deep deep. And then I woke up. 

It’s been really hot, usually somewhere in the ballpark of 90s. We don’t have AC and it’s been brutal. I busted out my fan and I’ve been working on sleeping the day away and doing my business in the afternoon/night. I’m glad I’m able to reasonably do that. Yay for 24-hour shifts. 

It’s been bad though, I started breaking out at the start of this week and I was like, wtf, I’m too old to have pimples and then it hit me; it’s all the sweating clogging up my pores and one shower a day isn’t cutting it. So I’ve took to washing my face/chest 3 times a day and it went away by the next day. Great success. 

That’s probably tmi but I don’t care. 

Been working an angle on rift. I’ve only recently started playing again and I wanted to have access to various aspects of the game like raiding/grouping/rifting while being specifically in a laid back mellow group of people for a guild so I don’t have to think of it as a job. So I have to be well-known and trusted and liked. So I’ve been loud. Really loud. Talking in /4 chat, trolling the trolls, helping people who ask for it. Today had a decent conversation about college and math. Quantum physics jokes were made.

I’ve made a big point of screwing with the opposing faction too so they chatter about me too.  Like today, there were fourty or so people of the opposing faction running around in a group doing quests together. And I’d jump right into all of them, kill one, maybe two and vanish and try to get out alive. Stirred em up like a total pack of bees, most of them were furious with me for killing them/their friends, but some found it hilarious and most of the people on *my* faction thought it was a riot too. Way I figure it is…it isn’t really hurting them if I kill one or two people, they’ll just get brought back to life by their buds anyway. They lost twenty seconds and I gave them a memory of one insane rogue ganking a group of forty people and getting away with it unscathed.  Hue. Hue. Hue. 

So yeah, lots of crazy antics like that + helpfulness to the newer players. I was giving away free epic crafted items to new 60s (top level) in the game too. Like…I remembered how hardcore I used to play and how that was all the wrong way to go about it, so I’ve been trying to be more free with in-game currency and that seemed a good thing to do, and friendly. And I could make it interesting for me because I wouldn’t tell people wtf I was doing…and I ever so like messing with people in that way. I was posting "Looking for 59 or fresh 60 mage" and see who responded. Most people didn’t and it took a while to get my first person. When I did my plan was to tell them to bring me an augment (a piece that helps buff the piece of gear you’re making) and if they did I’d make them an epic, if they didn’t I’d make a random blue which was still an upgrade, but not really a good one. And I wouldn’t tell them what I was doing, though, weirdly, no one actually asked what I wanted it for. That’s pretty weird…if someone asks for you, then asks you to freely give them something, isn’t the natural reaction is to ask what the hell for? The second weird thing is that they all brought augments and that none of them had one. They all bought one off the AH for me. Every single one. Just because I asked. It was so nice and made me happy. ^___^ Then I’d make them their bit which would always be a super big upgrade, then say I had to go and disappear somewhere.  Inadvertently made a few friends from doing that, though I made sure to tell em not to broadcast it because I didn’t want to be known as the gear-giving-away guy. And to my knowledge none of them did. Which is nice as well. I’m pleased by the whole thing. It fits into my newest thing, giving stuff away. I’ve given away a lot of things now, most recently the eggs I posted about….but also strawberries and work and yeah. I enjoy it. It’s friendly. It’s good to be good and it’s very liberating to be less clinchy about the money. Because lets think about it….we paid thirty dollars for the strawberries, yeah? What’s putting fifteen of that to all our neighbors and to some of our coworkers? It’s nothing is what it is. Nothing. Drinking water instead of (insert beverage of choice here) for a week. That is all. Anyone barring the super poor can wing that. I can wing that. 

….anyway, other than that, just being helpful with a touch of bravado. It’s been working out really well. eventually got into the best pvp (player vs player) guild on my factions side, which pleases me. People seek me out for information and invite me to group up with them which makes me happy. And they ask me for help when the enemy faction ppl are being dicks. ;p

See, I like being a minor celebrity in the games I play. In every MMO I’ve been one, but in the past I think I’ve come off less positively. I think that there are certainly some people who don’t like me, I’m brash as anyone who’s read me for any amount of time knows already, but I can’t help that. Or rather, I don’t want to help that. I think that that piece of me is something very close to my inner exuberance and I don’t want to kill that. It’s one of the best feelings I feel….and it’s likely one of the best parts of me too. So if I rub some people the wrong way, so be it. I still am excited and want to try everything, I’m willing to try everything and put myself out there as the first person to do something….and to do it with a swagger. Because that’s what I do when I am happy. ^___^ If that offends or rubs some people the wrong way,so be it, I won’t force myself on them. I’ll just focus on the people who laugh at it and who want me around. Same here as in the game. 

I think that’s how I need to be thinking. I need to be focusing on the most positive aspects of me and just pushing them. It’s not about unraveling the bad. I’ve spent a lot of time trying to unravel and to understand and where has it gotten me? Nowhere. I understand much more and I’ve been a good bit less happy for it. Why do I need to unravel the negative aspects of myself? I don’t. I won’t. I’ll just focus on the good bits and make them everything. I can eliminate the bad not through focusing on it, but by good action, by beneficial action becoming habit, by becoming myself. Those thought chains, all that. 

I wonder where this new branch will lead me, I really do. Will it be as effective and as true as I think it will be? The past says no, that I <em>always get this enthusiastic about an idea I think is  promising. Even if it’s wrong, as evidenced by some discussions here and there. Currently I’m thinking of pheonix and a debate we had a bit ago. Prob because I just got done checking out her OD for updates and she does come up with interesting insight and is willing to actually fight with me. Which is required with me at times. xD It’s great the people you can find sometimes. 

That’s kind of what I’m doing with Rift. I want to be fairly well known on the game so I meet tons of people. Most I won’t click with, but I’m sure to find at least a few really interesting people from it. That’s what I want and what I thrive on. Good conversation. A little flirtation. Love, all in all.