Blog #4

Nothing much happened today. Other than having trouble getting up because….strangely…I was…groggy? I actually slept well last night. The alcohol, I assume. Speaking of alcohol, I have some more to say on that. But first my day. I got up. I got dressed. Washed my face because I was too lazy to take a bath. Brushed teeth. Deodorant. Made a sandwich. Put on boots, got my keys and wallet and ID card and left. It was rainy too, lightly. Actually more of a drizzle. I liked it though. I shouldn’t have brought my jacket, though. Too hot.

That’s shaping up like it’s going to be a massive block. So I spaced it. Sexy. Just like Nick Heiss. Anyway. I went to school in the rain chatting with blee. It was actually kinda nice; I really like the rain. It’s like a weird sort of connection for me. And i get the impression I’m writting choppy sentences today. I don’t care. But I wonder why. Why? Hrm. I dunno. Anyway. Did the class thing, hung out during break and I got a lot of handshakes and a couple comments about being there and seeming ok. I remember one guy saying, “Man, glad you’re still with us.” I think people think I drank a lot more than i actually did. 😛 Another guy came up to me and said he had to give me props, he saw my slam the rest of my drink all at once and it was awesome. I dunno…see, the real story went like this. I didn’t care for it so much, the way it tasted I mean, so I never bothered to finish my second one so it was mostly full. Then my ride wanted to take off and I was like…shit, it’s so rude not to finish what you take when you’re @ another person’s house. See, I’m weird like that. If I’m at someone else’s place, I will eat everything I take whether I like it or not. Drinks too, it seems. So I was like shit, I gotta go, so I just slammed it. It wasn’t like iw as the center of attention and doing it because eveyrone else was pushing me to…but rather just my own sense of personal morals. Don’t take what you’re not going to finish if it’s someone elses. So it worked out. Np. But yeah, it’s all good. I guess it’s a good thing I’m getting props….means people respect me or like me for whatever reason, I guess. Good for networking, if nothing else. “Yeah yeah, you’re the guy who slammed the vodka at that one party !”

Then we finished class. I’m actually learning quite a bit. I can tell you all about formats for television now and how they work =P Crazy. I didn’t really WANT to know, but it’s interesting to learn all the same. I really really like IMA, intro to media arts. For example, earlier we learned all about the people on the film set and how audio is integrated in various ways. We learned precisely what directors and producers do and who the gaffer is and what the best boys are and what boom operators do, etc etc. We also saw some Foley Artists at work. Crazy stuff, that. I’m actually hellishly into Foley because of those clips….those are the guys who do the basic sound effects, like the splashing in water scenes, the clomping of boots, and those are the guys who make the raptors in Jurassic Park sound like raptors. Did you know, for example, that the T-Rex’s voice is made up of a train cars coupling, a jet engine, a car crash and something exploding + some other things? It just blows your mind to try to understand how they came up with this. They also showed us how they made the sound for spiderman’s webbing and whatnot. It was fucking cool, tbh. We also did other things….a lot of guys approached me and said i struck them as a composer. Which is really interesting. I really really admire a lot of the composers and would really truly love to do things like that; to work with orchestras and compose liquid feelings. That’s exactly the sort of thing I came to full sail to learn to do; to compose and help create liquid feelings, even if I’m not on the artist side. I think I’d be more comfortable NOT being the artist, actually. But…I dunno…it’s like the encouragement (and it came from like…3 different people strangely) is kind of inspiring me to start pushing in that direction…hrm. My instructor told me to start writing music and sending it to corporation X (as I forgot the name, but I wrote it down somewhere) and if they liked it, they’d start pushing to get it in movies and whatnot and once you get a rep, you might be approached about doing the score for a major motion picture….I’m sorely tempted to give it a shot, but I’m not sure if I should. It’d be such a bitch, lol. But I might be able to do something with the london symphony orchestra eventually….that’d be a moment of a lifetime. The London Symphony Orchestra…performing MY music. That’s just an amazing thing to even just think about.

Another block. Time to change it up. Who. Rah. Mutha. Fugga. *cough*. Anyway. Got out of class, met up with blee and he chilled with me and my group for our filming….it was techy. It’s looking like it’s going to work out REALLY well. I’ll post it once I get it. 😀 The film and the picture I was supposed to have a long time ago. -_-

Anyway, back on the alcohol subject. I’m very meh about the whole thing. It used to be a very huge thing that I was so utterly and strongly against. And I still am in most ways, actually. Which is interesting considering I’m now a pseudo-hypocrite. But at the same time I have other things I want to be and they’re pushing in on the anger/hatred. So I thought last night I’d give it a shot because I should probably just let it go. It’s just like anything else taken to an extreme…it’s not necessarily the things fault but rather the person committing the acts. But aren’t some things just hitting that line where they cause all sorts of problems just by being what they are? Argh, it’s a complex issue. But at any rate, I wanted to let it go some. And I wanted to embody my lil daily quotes a bit more….there’s one about alcohol specifically. Says something about a sip being good because it brings people together, but more being sinful because it pushes people apart. It explained it a bit more in depth than I’m going to explain here, but basically the gist of it is that there’s nothing wrong with it in moderation and only once in a while (once or twice a month, generally, was what I understood that to be) and never to the point of losing yourself. Because not only do you upset people and fuck up the bonds you have with people by jostling them with your actions, but it’s also very extremely wrong for letting yourself ever get out of control like that for ANY reason. Whether it’s anger, hatred, drugs, or alcohol, losing control to a good extent is totally unacceptable. So…I guess maybe I’m changing bit by bit….I really like my little quotes; they make a lot of sense to me logically…and I really do want to change the sort of person I am so I’m trying. So I should try with this too. And I did. I probably pushed it a bit too far, I probably drank like..hrm…sec, lemme get out my measuring cup. I’m gonna measure. 7/8ths of a cup. Sec, lemme see if I can convert it. 6-7 ounces of vodka. Meh. I overdid it. I didn’t realize I had that much, heh. 5ish beers in alcohol content, possibly a good deal more so because I think it was pretty high alocohol content in the vodka. 90 Proof I think it was. Maybe 80. Either way though…Whoo. I drank a LOT MORE than I thought i did, it seems. God damn….and I didn’t get drunk, though i was realizing I was getting to that point if I pushed it

much more. Haha, nice. And I made it worse by drinking a carbonated beverage w/ it and by going in w/ an empty stomach. Haha…go mexican heritage, go history of alcoholism….that should’ve gotten me fucking drunk. Ha, I wasn’t good game. And yes, i know I wasn’t because the people I was actually hanging out with weren’t the ones saying I was drunk. They were the ones telling me, nah, you were just buzzing, not drunk at all. Yeah….crazy how heritage plays into it…because by all rights I SHOULD HAVE been drunk from that, all things considered. lol…interesting. Well, I’m pretty sure I was close to it; I could feel the differences in where I was as far as my sense of control. It was an experience. A very curious one…interesting to analyze. But anyway, out of how much I drank and about how I didn’t actually get drunk, back on task. I think I made a decision a while back to try and embody what my little quotes and reasonings are talking about…I should be that person, the one who listens and cares and who’s able to embody them all. So this came to me far more easily than I thought it would. I was just going to the party to see what one’s like out here….I dunno. I probably won’t drink so much in the future now that I know what I actually did…maybe not at all. I don’t know. I guess it wasn’t as big of a deal as I had previously thought it to be…maybe I should confine my anger and hatred to the sort of people who abuse alcohol and actually create the sorts of atmospheres I had to deal with as a kid. That seems more fair, doesn’t it? Granted, I still have a LOT of issues with alochol that are unresolved, I think this is an important thing I learned from this experience. Hrm. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to make a good, informed conclusion about alocohol as far as whether or not it’s more bad than it is good….because really that’s what it’s about. Anything, ANYTHING can be taken to the point of obsession or abuse and then everything just starts screwing up. Is it necessarily the things fault? Perhaps it’s just the persons…or maybe the item’s predisposition for that sort of trouble. Hrm. Some are obviously bad in my eyes, crack and cocaine being two of them….they just suck you in and then everything goes to hell. That’s fucking bullshit. So are drugs in general…though I’m much looser as far as weed goes because it doesn’t strike me as overpowering. Perhaps no different from eating chocolate? Argh, I wish there was more out there for me to help me really make decisions on weed and alcohol. It’s frustrating. It’s really bothering me now that I’m thinking about it, actually. My old points of view were all very radical and WAY too overpowering…but perhaps that’s the position you have to take if something causes so much trouble? Argh, bothersome. And I doubt it’s going to go away either…the information just isn’t out there. Yeah yeah, I know the effects of alcohol on the body, blah blah. I just…I think I just need to see more families, experience more people, FAR more people…I simply just don’t know enough; I haven’t seen enough yet to see if the problems are as widespread as i thought they were….or if the good effects are better. Argh. So frustrating. I hate not knowing. I guess at any rate, it was a good experience to have. I shouldn’t be radical because that’s bullshit of me. Radical and overpowering….over anything. That’s bullshit. Holding those sorts of mindsets simply leads to destructive cycles with yourself and the others around you….you have to be able to reason and to think and to balance out your decisions and to not be so one-sided and killjoy. After all, aren’t the people who hold these sorts of radical, unwavering decisions the kinds of people who’re causing the trouble all around us? Look at Bush, obviously there is no other way then to preemptively strike contries. What? Talk peace? No way! That’s simply not an option! Abusive husbands always see things from their way. If they saw it from anyone else’s pov, they wouldn’t fucking do it because it fucking hurts to be anywhere else. You don’t do things that hurt that bad. It’s always the people who’re motivated and believe heavily in one thing and who won’t listen to compromise and to logic and to compassion. So yeah. I think maybe it’s a good thing to kick that somewhat….while I still have my bias, I’m positive, I’m not as…unwavering about it. I guess that’s what I’m trying to say. I don’t want to be the unthinking totally biased fuck that I used to be…I can’t be so dominating of the people around me if I’m to become what I want to be. So this is what I have to do. And god damn. This became a ramble like whoa. It wasn’t supposed to. I’m sure everyone thinks this is kinda screwed up….why’s he making such a big deal out of drinking? Just deal with it ! Meh. I’m not most people though. So shushie !

Hrm. I guess that’s everything…and I really should sleep. I DO have a midterm tomorrow….in about 8 hours i have to wake up. Hrm. Bah, i have time to write. I studied strangely enough. Actually, to be TRUTHFUL, I helped bill study….but since we have the same class, it achieved the same thing for me by reiterating and reinforcing the material for me as I helped him with it by quizzing. ;o He actually caught me in the wrong too, I was impressed with him. That helps me out, for sure, I would’ve gotten that question wrong if it was on the test if he hadn’t, heh. It was cool. We’re still working on our songs….actually, I’m not sure if I wrote that out here or not. Bill and I are going to go out to the school one day in the future…him with his guitar, me with….me. And I’m going to sing 12 songs (and he’s going to play them) and see if we can’t get some change/cash by performing sometime. 😀 Should be cool. If I can make it happen, which I probably will be able to in the future, I’ll post some links to us getting it done. Maybe pictures too. It’s cool times. ;o

I’ve also been considering getting a mac for that very reason…we get huge school discounts and hrm….I dunno, macs are industry standard I’ve been hearing so I might need to get it done to really give myself an edge and to focus more on my shizzy. Hrm. We will see.

But yeah…it’s cool. Things are going well still….strange. I’m lonely as hell but things are going well….weird. The only time I’m not lonely is when I’m at school, lol. I dunno, blee and I both feel it, I think and we’re still getting along very very well, but meh. I need to spend more time up there. It’s bothersome to be lonely. Oh well, soon enough I’ll have friends I can go out with when i feel like it and just chill with. That’ll be good to have again…very good. I already have a bunch of people who know me 😀 It’s nice. I’m gonna be the most loved guy there, watch. I’m getting that goddamn most likely to succede award. And it’s going in the most prominent place in the goddamn apartment too. Damnit! *stomps foot*

Anyway, time to sleep probably. I’ll write more later. It’s frustrating…focusing on class and on chilling out and keeping balanced (which I’m already learning is going to be a bitch w/ this school and it’s pace, especially since it gets FASTER than the 40-clock hours I’m already doing) is tough. I can’t spend as much time just writing as I used to. I NEED to chill out with some games online or some reading….writing is good for me to reflect and make sure I’m based where I want to be, need to be, act

ually, but I gotta keep my temperment happy and cool so I gotta make sure to keep chilled out at the same time….so I never have enough time if I want to sleep (Which I also need to keep up to keep my temperment) as well. Frustrating. I’ll EVENTUALLY get all my thoughts down…I still remember them. I have at least 3 I want to put down here sometime….damnit! Soon enough. Anyway. Time to sleep. Remember… “Ga’dol Ha’mal’been Shee’nav Le’cha’ve’ro mee’mash’ke’hu cha’lav.” Better show the white of your teeth to your friend than give him some milk to drink. *It’s better to smile to your friend from within your heart than to give him food, drink or anything materialistic for that matter.*