#90
The state of affairs of many people and, indeed, many places in the world still bothers me. It bothers me on an almost fundamental level to the point where I’m almost ashamed to be a part of the going-ons. It makes me just want to let everything go and just…leave. Perhaps not permanently, and perhaps not completely when I do so, but the desire to just leave all these things behind keeps growing to be more and more. I’m so tempted to just…let go of my technical tools, to let go of things like electricity and power and heating and cooling and just go home. Once I’m there, I’ll leave the commodaties of life there, too, and leave with just my backpack and some books. I’ll come back every time I need some new things to read or if something big comes up.
Everything else I could just do out in the wild. I would build my own wigwam and I’d hunt or fish for food. Or just eat the berries or plants that abound out there. It would only be a short transission period over getting used to a diet like that, it wouldn’t be too bad. I could read up on how to hunt large game, too. Trapping and fishing, that’s easy. Bows and arrows for small game is easy, too. But a deer, that would be much more difficult. And leather would really make my time that much easier…
I would have to eventually obtain some. So I’d HAVE to hunt for a good many. I’ve forgotten exactly how to do it, but I do know you cure with the brains of the animal in a mixture with some other things to keep it soft and pliable rather than hardening up into something unusable. It’d be something I’d need to read up on. Or ask around about. There are medicine men up north…I can find them. With leather I could make my own clothing. I could make my own footwear. I could make a bed, too. It’s merely a matter of having enough strips and stout wood to tie them too….then you just weave them in and out in such a way as to make a hammock-like netting (though nowhere near as small as average hammock threading, think strips of leather an inch or two wide and with bigger gaps) Then you toss your furs over it and then sleep with more on top of you. That’s not a problem at all. It just seems daunting if you haven’t thought about it. Really the problem isn’t putting the leather to use. The problem is getting it to begin with. It’s not the easiest thing in the world to hunt alone without a gun. The threading isn’t tough w/ a carcass. The clothing would be easy too if you made no effort to care about what it looked like. As long as it works, that’s what matters.
Perhaps this is something I’ll actually act on. This life with Fullsail is nice and all, it’s grand. I’m really enjoying it and enjoying myself right now, but it’s not something I want for the rest of my life, nor possibly even right now. I keep feeling the call to go back out into the wild and to be there for a while. I’m listening closely lately and yet I feel like I’m out of touch with that. Maybe it’s time to take my listening and feeling the earth to the next level. I look forward to deepening our bond. I never thought that I could ever serve anything outside of being forced. But this, this I could do. I could serve the earth and live naturally and focus nearly all my time on Her cycles and Her rhythms. It’s very sad that humankind has more or less forgotten those things…perhaps the big problem with society and life today is just that. They’re forgetting where they came from and look rather to the future rather than remembering the past and honouring that past. It’s a very important thing to honour our roots; our roots make the very roads and paths we travel; they ARE our future and our futures will make new futures. If we continue to forget who we really are we’re just going to spirial out of control all the more and then there really won’t be any choice other than destruction and pain merely because our paths and roads all lead to the same destination. No, we need to avoid that…we need to remember and honour our pasts, all the way through back to the roots and on upward. Only if we open our hearts to the world is there ever going to be any sort of true peace. Technology is great. It’s amazing. But it is not the answer to all things. Achievement is not the answer to all things. We MUST remember.
Maybe it truly is time. I lack ties right now; I am bound to nothing save that which I choose to by bound to. I could just as easily put those things behind me to an extent and just focus on this part of me for a while. I love Jacinta dearly, I care about other things in life as well. Those things won’t go away; I’ll check in and check back once in a while, maybe even every day to begin with, but I’m not bound. Maybe I shouldn’t be right now. It may be the time to go off on my own for a while and to look inward and look outward and to understand some things that I need to understand. Maybe it’ll only take a month. Maybe three. Maybe a year or two. I don’t know how long; I’ll know how long once that time comes. I can feel the pulsing of ilife beneath my as it guides me along. It’ll let me know, it always does when it matters. Maybe it’s time.
Me ze kore lach haillach, hakshivi