#84

People anger me sometimes. Especially the people who write me (and my ideas and ideals) off as ‘cute.’ In their own way they’re just being polite about my being childish and naive and stupid in their eyes. Not only that, but also thinking my feelings on certain issues are unfounded as well as unbelievable. That irks me like whoa. Just because I’d do almost anything in the name of love doesn’t mean I’m cute. Just because you don’t see what I see doesn’t mean that I’m wrong, even if you’ve as much experience as it as I have. People don’t fucking remember where I came from. To wax black, I come from the fucking streets. I know what it’s like to live rough. I know what it’s like not to eat, I know what it’s like to live in an abusive household where you get bitched at by everyone and beat up all the time. I know what it’s like to fear having to walk down the street, to fear being on the bus. I grew up next to a goddamn crack house and I’ve seen firsthand those sorts of people destroyed by the drugs they love so much. So fuck you guys, I’m not some ignorant goddamn child who still believes in his fairy-tales and who still needs his security blanket at night. I’m far past that and I have been since early teens, believe me. I don’t cry and moan about it all the time like some of us, even if their own problems are a damn sight easier to handle than mine (oh no, my car is a mazda! Yeah, fuck you.), but it doesn’t mean that I haven’t had them myself. So stop treating me like a kid because I’m not one.

And just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Too few people actually take the time to think outside the box and to actually analyze a situation before making a decision. That’s fine but as soon as you start bitching at me or imposing your ideas on me, then we’re gonna have a problem. Yeah, I’d respect you and your ideas if you analyzed and thought as much as I do about the things I do, but when you don’t, just don’t even waste your breath. Go harass someone else for I have no time for you.

In many ways I pity you. Uncertainty is a sad way to live. I know all about that, too, and because of it I know just how much value to put on my newfound drive and faith and love. I sincerely hope that one day you realize what I realize so you can pull out of that.