#80

I set my cup down and took a drink. The water felt good even though I wasn’t that thirsty. Cool water seems to always feel good, for me. I really didn’t feel like going to class to today so I was going slow and relaxing some. I needed to get ready, though, so I got up and drew my bath. Got washed up, got ready, stepped out and dried off. I put on some pants, walked to my room, and walked over to my dresser. I picked up my brush and brushed my hair back to tie it back in my customary ponytail. After I finished I took some time to examine the reflection looking back at me. I looked over my chest first, looking at the lines and subtle definitions. Then I looked at my face, looking over my eyes, my cheeks and a quote from somewhere immediately popped out at me.

“Just look at this face. Everywhere there’s new mistakes.”

I jumped and looked back a little more warily. My reflection smiled gently back at me. Which was strange. I wasn’t smiling.

“You were doing so well, too, you know. I had almost thought you would go the distance. But maybe I was wrong. Look around you. You’re failing to take the good start into action. You did what you needed to do on the inside admirably, but just look at you now. Look at around you for example.” I looked around at my room. It was pretty messy with dirty clothes all around, papers strewn about, empty soda bottles too. “Look at the kitchen, you know the dirty dishes. You need to take the trash out too. The floors haven’t been vacuumed. They may seem trivial but they’re not, you know. They’re just as big as anything else is. Just think about it, they help get you in the mode of constantly being active, productive and positive. Doing positive things to become the lifestyle. They’re very much important. And you’re definately not living like you should be. Look at yourself. You’re nothing if you can’t translate the things you believe and feel on the inside. Absolutely nothing. Thinking the right way is just one part of the equation; acting is the other half. It’s worthless if all you can do is think and you’ll end up staying here forever.”

And with that he shook his head sadly at me and turned to walk away. I reached out after him…..but my hand hit the glass. That startled me. It had seemed so real just a second ago. Looking back at the mirror again I saw myself again, but I saw myself without the intelligence glinting in my eyes. I saw the weariness in my face and the lines streaking my face that never used to be there before. I remembered what he had said, the lyrics from a song. ‘Just look at this face, everywhere there’s new mistakes.’ The thought sickened me. Most especially because I couldn’t deny it; I could see exactly what he spoke of. And that bothered me.