#674

Had two dreams. I don’t remember much of the first. I was with my sister though there were people out and they were trying to get us and really hurt us, I think specifically they wanted to take our souls. And we were in a restaurant and I was eating prime rib with au jus and it was great. I was so callous to nightmares and threatening dreams by now that I wasn’t even really concerned with the entities floating about ready to take our souls, I was just completely enjoying the food. The cook came out with three steaks, one on a sizzle plate and he set it before me and the other two were on a metal cooks spatula which he set on the table for me to grab off of once I was done with the first. It was really, really good, the way that only dreams can be because of how the recall is of the best (or the worst) a food has been and I really like prime rib style meat, especially if they give you au jus as well. I woke up as I was eating into the second one I think. 

And I woke up into another dream. I don’t like this new trick my mind seems to have discovered, it’s god damn disorientating. Been listening to too many odd stories I suppose. Anyway, I woke up and I was going to court and I was there. I don’t remember a lot of the beginning, but I was there and my girlfriend was there too and something terrible had happened around us, but mostly to her. Some guy did something but I forget what. The judge didn’t like the fact that I was dating her because she was so much younger than me. I don’t know how young, but she was either 17 and almost 18 or 18 and I was my age, 27. So the judge was talking about how he should force us to remain separate for a ‘grieving period’ because I would only make her remember the events and to let it be up to a psychologist to decide how long that period should be. Which upset me. Then court was over and she got whisked away and I went my own separate way. Later on I was going out to walmart with one of my old middle school friends, Jason. We were going through like a small tucked away electronics section but it was filled with food and especially frozen or chilled food. We were looking at various meats to buy for what we were doing and talking. I remember seeing my girlfriend and telling him I’d be right back so I went back and talked to her. I wanted to ask her what she thought and whether or not she was going to listen to the verdict whatever the judge said. I was expecting to lose her. Girls don’t feel for me the way I feel for them, never have. I can be scary in my emotions because when I feel them, I feel them strongly and I’m willing to do whatever for them when I do, too. And ofc I have boundary issues too in that I don’t really have them and usually have trouble seeing other peoples too, I just do what I feel and don’t realize I might be bothering someone until after the fact, if I ever realize that at all. So when I really start to care about someone I can really weird people out. At least that’s what I think at this point. I don’t know. *shrug* Anyway, I was expecting her to not be willing to completely fight seemingly everyone else for me because that’s no one has ever been willing to go that far for me. Things like family and fitting in and whatever always become huge wedges and it’s terrible. Reminds me of Jacinta, the whole thing reminded me of Jacinta and it was ugh. So I talked to her assuming she wouldn’t want to fight and she seemed confused about how she felt so I told her I was around whenever she needed me and that I REALLY meant that, even at 2am, when I’m at work, just reach out to me and I’ll be there. She said okay and I let her go, pretty much knowing I was done for. Just like with Jacinta.

So….I go back to Jason and he had some more things and we got in line and I was up at the front for some reason, I don’t know why. Another one of my old friends in line, Chris. And he’s complaining about being super cold and I touch him with the back of my hand and he’s like, nigh frozen-feeling. So I realize I’m wearing this white wispy sweater-vest kinda deal and offer it to him and he says no thanks and I tell him he should and he ignores me and that’s fine. Then the teller says she has to go and the register converts into a self-pay checkout line it’s our turn. We buy our things and in the change drawer something goes wrong. I remember having a small amount of cash but not knowing exactly how much, whether it’s 30 dollars or 70. It was somewhere in there. So when I pay I get back some ten 100s and several 50s, bunch of 20s, bunch of 20s and an assortment of 5s and 1s. I didn’t even notice anything was wrong at first because initially I just put it all into my wallet. Then I start counting, realizing it’s off and I tell jason that I thought we had to go find the general manager. He seems like he’d just as soon keep it, but says whatever. I give him the car keys so he can unpack our stuff and wait for me in the car. Then I go up to the middle of the store and there’s the manager’s area right there and I talk to the girl behind the desk. She tells me he’s out when I ask and then she asks me if I realize I’m with someone who wasn’t allowed in the stores, like I was breaking the law. I ask them who it was, going through all the people I talked to until deciding they must be talking about Jason. Ofc they won’t tell me who it was. But I’m assuming it’s him and I’m trying to figure out a way to leave the manager a bunch of the money but not wanting to just leave cash with some random person I don’t know, so I ask about a cash box or a safe place to leave the manager a sealed envelope. There’s a guy behind the desk too and they both keep kinda giving me trouble about the person who was banned and I’m getting irritated  and eventually I ask for a slip of paper and an envelope and the girl goes out to get them. They guy comes out from behind the desk and we start talking about work. He’s irritated because he feels overtired and overworked and I commiserate and he tells me he’s actually a paramedic from antigo fire department and so I tell him I’m an EMT and that I’m only there at the moment because I called in and someone was covering for me while I went. We keep talking and it’s nice. Then the girl comes out and I’m still trying to figure out how I can handle the dropping off of the money because I don’t even know how much was there initially so if I overshoot it or undershoot it, which I certainly will, so I’ll have to come back again, but I can’t come back in the next few days because I’m on until sunday and today was wednesday and I probably wouldn’t be able to find another person to cover me for a few hours. Meh. If I go I’ll look like I’m stealing but I’m certainly not leaving over a thousand dollars with people I don’t know. I don’t know if the cash dropbox is a viable option because it might not even be accessible by the manager. Blargh. 

Then my radio went off for a pager test and woke my ass up. Oh boy. 

Yesterday I was helping Linda unpack that storage bay of hers so they could break down all the donations for the church rummage sale. I’m thinking I should head out and help her again. All she has are older people, 55+, helping her and they shouldn’t be doing all that lifting. Sigh….I really don’t want to, my wrist really hurts. But yeah, I will. *Dies*