#67

The blue is darker now. Less lucid. Murky. Jessica just disappeared and she seemed afraid. People were yelling at her. Trying to get her. ‘Am I always going to be so helpless when it matters most?’ Angel thought. ‘I need to do something. But I can’t…I’m too far away.’

He knows just sitting there isn’t going to help. And then she’s back. The voice was the thing he needed to hear most. She’s crying and she’s upset but she’s not dead. She’s ok. She’s alive. That’s what matters. He’s not too late.

She tells him about the man at the door. She tells him about the how she hid in the closet while her mother was raped and how she saw it all. How she heard it all. How her mother protected her by shoving her in there and closing it quickly before he saw. She tells him about how she saw him again just now at the door. Just like before. But he sees her this time and he’s yelling her name. She tries ignoring him but it doesn’t stop. The door is locked and now he’s banging and throwing all his weight at it. She doesn’t know what to do. Is there anything you can do? Hide? Where? There’s nowhere to hide. She knows this.

He knows it too. And he’s too far away to do anything. He’d do anything to protect her, to save her, but the reality of the situation is that he can’t. Helpless. Worthless. That’s what he is when it counts, he can’t even be there when the ones who matter need him. Everyone makes mistakes, sure, but sometimes you can’t afford to make mistakes. Dometimes you can’t afford to do the things you do. Sometimes you have to remember to focus on the things that matter most. And he didn’t. If he had, he’d be there and he could protect her. But he didn’t. He wasn’t there when she really, truly needed him.

She cries and he hears her whispers and the words between the sobs and tries to help. But deep down he’s not sure if ever he really did.