#56

It’s noisy where I come from. There’s always some sort of buzzing, there’s always some thought running around. Sometimes music, sometimes a cacophony of self-destruction. Even though by now I have so much experience with it, I can still only barely conduct my personal symphony. There is always the defiant thundering of the drums where I get up and stand and fight, no matter what the odds. There is always the lone violin where I lay down to die, uncaring of the world around me. There is always everything in between, too. No rest, no lack of feeling and no lack of thought; the musical ribbon defines what it is to be me.

It has it’s effect on me, too. Outside of the occaisional mood swings that always occur once in a while because of them (which never heed to medication, i’ve found, but do heed to my own call if I push hard enough) there are some other intonations qeued from the beat inside my head. I feel in a huge variety of scales; diatonic, chromatic, diminished and more. I hear far more of the beats of life than the casual listeners around me…simply because I sway to the rhythm and I’ve experienced both the highest soprano and the lowest bass. In differences, the qualities of the true ideal stand out starkly. So I know what it is to be so very low, and I know what it means to be so very high….and that’s a big thing to be thankful for. I hear; I feel.

In many ways it’s better this way, I’m listening to life at it’s greatest and I can tune my own beats to everyone else’s around me…and relate. In this way, I can unite with everyone on some level or another, and that’s a very important thing. Singing in key is a very beautiful thing, after all. It’s dangerous to me, yes, but the most dangerous paths are often the ones that lead to the greatest rewards should you survive them. There really is no other choice for me. I used to hate this (and I still do at times), but not so much overall anymore. I’m still carried when I need to be and then even the lows don’t seem so bad…all it takes is a few words and I’m fine.