#39

Stepping outside the apartment, barefoot and on a whim, my feet slapped upon the concrete of the second floor. I walked slowly and deliberately across the way, inaudible but still sensible vibrations scything though the platform with every step. I reached the stairs, more concrete steps, and walked down them to the base of the apartment…then I walked out towards the lake across the sidewalk. I unlatched the metal security door and walked across the slightly splintered wooden planks to an unlit portion of the bridge. I hopped up on the handrail and balanced, crossing my legs and just breathing in the warm and heavy hair. I sat and waited.

I was thinking the entire time of deliberateness, of control and of righteousness. Isn’t that what I’m trying to master now? Control and deliberate rightousness of my now-emotional self. It’s something to be aspired to, for sure. And I think that’s my current goal until more tangible, short-term ones start popping up as I feel they will soon. Realizing that I’m on the path I want set before me, I smiled. Nodding, I thought of this and looked off across the small manmade lake set in the middle of my apartment complex. And then I saw it.

Ripples of water puddling like it was raining….when there was no rain falling; no rain at all. What could cause that? Fish might, sure….but we don’t really have fish in that lil puddle, do we? And that many? And big enough to make ripples that strong? No, a logical recognition of this isn’t the right path to take. It’s there and it’s there for a reason; my heart lept out to it and told me so.

A confirmation of my path, of the things I feel and of the path I walk; there’s hope for me yet, there’s hope for us yet, even in these dark times. It’s just a matter of recognizing my pain, of being able to draw rein and keep my hurtful and hurting feelings in check and to give rein to the emotions and feelings that matter and drive me to my ultimate goal; Love itself, regardless of whom it’s for.

The ripples told me so. They happened, I saw and I recognized. Now is the time to put your ideal of walking without eyes and staying on your path into action. Cover your eyes, abandon them; open up with your heart, open up with your other senses and with your soul. Keep on the path, keep reaching, you’ll get what you want in the end. You’ll obtain what you desire in the end. You’re living the ideal, you can become as pure and as sincere a sworn shield can ever be. Not merely for Jacinta, but for all the world. There’s nothing wrong with living like that, even if you never do taste love burning on your lips ever again. There are other happinesses, just as powerful in their own ways. It’s time to start honing yourself as the warrior for the people too dumb, too ignorant, too weak, too young, or too incapable to take care of themselves. Everyone matters, everyone has their place, it’s time to take up your blade for them. You’re strong enough too, now is your time, now is fortune.

So it’s time to wrap the blindfold about my eyes and to focus a bit more on my spirit…on taking my first baby steps of faith into the vast and terrifying unknown. Once I get a feel for it, and I should very very quickly, I’ll start sharpening my blades to help combat darkness for those around me. That’s my path. This is my destiny. That is what the ripples in the water told me.