#36

I hadn’t thought I could still doubt.

But I could and I did. The revelation over that is even now just beginning to show the implications that I never came close to hitting on until now; I doubted. I hadn’t even realized it was possible for one with the belief and the willpower to keep on the path he set himself on and the strength to keep himself there and moving forward to shake in his path. Is that right? Is that noble? I don’t think so. It’s an aspect of the situation I never thought of before. Even with devotion, willpower and strength it’s necessary to be intelligent and thoughtful enough to keep yourself in the right mode; that’s what this tells me. And while I’m normally thoughtful enough, sometimes it’s easy to let your emotions run away with you. And once they do that….then things start to go wrong. While it’s not wrong to be emotional; it’s part of the condition you have to deal with, to be sure, it’s wrong to be emotional without thought to guide them. One should walk through life following their heart but tempering it with their intellectual thought. Emotions alone are too wild and acidic; they need thought and control to carry them through safely and to push them to another level. It can’t be once in a while, it has to be all the time, too. That is what I learned today.