#109

Time to babble! YES! Just what you wanted, I am sure. I’m in a babble-ey mood though. Actually, I might just put this on my diary too. Or instead. Who knows. Ok, enough intro, time to ramble! >=0

I went to class today feeling moderately terrible again. I’m def dealing with something. I also have these lil red marks all over my body like I’m being bit up by something. It’s kinda rashing too. I’m going to have to get that looked into…but can I even? I don’t have the money to spare on things like that. I don’t know how much I’m going to need in the future for other things. Hrm. Maybe if I just stop sleeping in my room or something. I don’t know. I’m going to try to get something going with thoroughly cleaning out my room though. The bites have to go. They simply have to go because they’re just getting worse and worse, more and more. Gonna put some research into the biters of Florida during this coming Spring Break.

Yup, Spring Break is finally upon me. It doesn’t really count as a REAL spring break because it’s only 5 days but oh well. It’s time off from school that I can wind down during and that is always good. I keep getting more and more wound up by this school, it’s insane, haha. So much time, so much devotion and weird hours. If I didn’t have such awesome classmates I would be in trouble, I think. It’s a good thing that, for the most part, we’re much like family. In a lot of ways we all get through these weird schedules because of each other, I think. We hang out with each other, we talk to each other and laugh with each other. It’s a very, very good working relationship.

But back to spring break. I have some plans for spring break. List time!

1. I’m going to look into the bitey things of Florida. I’m going to determine what’s happening to me and what I have going on with me. I feel I percieve enough about the situation to be able to make a good call on the situation and deal with it myself. I wish I wasn’t so poor so I could be lazy and just see a doctor for a couple hundred bucks but that’s not true so…..it’s all on me. It’s all good, I can do it no problem.

2. I’m going to look for some new music to groove to. I’ve been grooving a lot to the sounds of Delerium and the like. Actually, right now I’m in a goddamn groove listening to Delerium. My headphones really make em sound AMAZING. Like crazy. I’m listening right now, even though I’m in the media center. Even just streaming em from Myspace it works perfectly. I’m sitting here just swaying with my eyes closed most of the time and writing what I feel. It’s all good. I’m going to find more musica to listen to. Don’t have enough.

3. I’m going to reorder my collection. Make it easier to dig through.

4. I’m going to bust out my Hebrew for dummies. I’ve been neglecting my studies and I know I have. I really do feel I need to keep my focus on class right now and when I’m not in class, either looking after class or chilling out. I really do need the chillout time to keep my mood up, to keep myself stable. I can’t work for hours and hours on end without repercussions emotionally, even if they’re not immediate. I gotta keep it steady and keep myself on-task at the same time, so I need my time to just loosen up and shoot the bull and just have fun. But now we have a break from school so I can keep myself tasked back to Hebrew and that sorta thing, so I’m really looking forward to it.

5. Harass you. Cause it’s fun. >=]

6. Clean. Because I’ve been lazy and need to clean more often. I’ve been doing better about keeping myself on task with that, but I still need to put more effort into it. I’m not doing as well as I should be.

7. EAT GOOD FOOD. Fast food is making me feel sick lately so often that I’ve been ordering out or going out to places more often anyway, but I need to put more effort to avoid fast food. I really need to eat things that are good for me. Hrm. It’ll happen. This should be an ongoing thing too. I hope so, but I can see it not happening, too. I don’t have anyone to eat with all that often and I sometimes can really groove off the eating out alone vibe and get work done and write and focus well, but sometimes I just want someone to talk to. I don’t like the fact that I’m alone as often as I am.

8. Look for soldering tools. I think I might have a new major interest; electronics. I’m going to start making shizzy. Watch me.

9. Sleep. Sleep is good; I haven’t been sleeping well lately. Maybe because I’ve been getting bit up.

10. Look a bit deeper at the music I listen to. As I said before, I’m listening to Delerium now and I’m much much more impressive with it than I was a year ago. Not only are the effects are amazingly ‘right’ and not only are the sounds themselves fit well, but the mixdown is AMAZING on their songs. They do such tricks with panning and the song’s breath that it’s incredible. See, I’ll do it with Angelicus since that song’s special to me. First, that hum at the beginning, that metallic hum, I’m not entirely sure what it is, but my guess would be a heavily edited organ attack. See, you have a breathy orgran make it’s sound and record the attack and set up that sample to play continuously instead of just for that second. The song ads a lot to the song because of the nature of the sound brings about a sense of depth and vastness as well as a touch of metallic, industrial harshness. Of course the vocals are in the center of the mix, but they’re centered in such a way as to allow the edited-organ tone to breathe along the outsides of the mix. It’s really well done. And you might not notice, but there are tiny rippling sounds along the outside, some whistles and some other sounds walking along the outside of the mix, just supporting and adding depth and detail to the song and, above all, the emotionality of her voice. Actually, throughout the song there are a lot of sounds that operate on the sides specifically at low volumes. There are also the sounds that flow back and forth to create a sort of wave atmosphere and which really make the song seem like it pulses far more than it otherwise would. Listen to the song’s specific tones and sounds. Not a single one of them actually pulses. Not one. But together they create the illusion of walking, of a beating heart or a pulsing mood. I love the reverbs too, tis a nice chamber reverb on the vocals too and on most of the synths, too. Not a single one of them have a fast, let alone an instantaneous release time. That’s kind of rare for music. At least to the extent, anyway. It’s amazing how well they all blend together as well. Even though the notes for the synths are all pretty simple, the song comes together as whole. Listening deeper, there are new parts I never noticed, a lead synth panned hard right that harmonizes with the vocals. Awesome. I love mah cans (headphones). You can hear a LOT with them that you won’t normally hear on the crappy systems you see all around. For example, did you realize that 500 dollars is not sufficient for a truly good system? Not even close. 20 thousand perhaps. And you’ll never fit one into your goddamn car. Don’t waste your money, a car has ATROCIOUS acoustics. ;d But anyway this is the business I’m stepping into, at least for now, so I’m going to take it seriously and

go deeper with my education by actually examining what people are doing with their songs as well. Actually, looking at the vocals, I think she’s probably compressed as well. Tube compression does sound like it’s on there. Hrm. I need more experience with gear. :[

11. Harass you some more. I only do it cause I <3 ya. ;d

12. Level to 55 (I’m 51 now). I need to make 70 to be a true cyber-geek and flaunt it in yo face!

13. Take time out of my day to sit outside and reflect. It may be lonely and strange here but I need to focus on the life and the harmony around me or I’m going to screw up. I’ve already been some lately, I need to focus more. Well, in a lot of ways I feel what I need to do is go back home, to go back to the northwoods, but for now this is where I am. And you know, that harmonizing lead synth on the hard right has an additional attack pad on the hard left harmonizing with that. That’s pretty cute. And listening to it, I think I always heard it but never realized it. They all come together to create something amazing even if you never hear the parts. Anyway, need to reflect.

14. Heckle you some. Are you seeing a trend?

15. Buy some new flatware and get nice plates. I’ve been talking about getting a good set of stoneware for a long time and I’m going to be making a good investment for many many years, so it’s going to be worth it to buy a good set for my future.

16. Buy pants. I need new pairs.

17. Write down the things bothering me and hindering my progress as an individual. I’ve been thinking and doing a lot of things lately and I feel that I haven’t been doing what I’m supposed to be. I’ve been snippy with you when I don’t feel I should ever be and I’ve been feeling down sometimes lately, too. Even though I’ve never been really sad per se, I have found myself reviling my situation and I don’t want to be that person anymore. I need to be excited and I need to be proud of who and what I am. So I’m going to write it all out and look at it logically and set up a plan to keep me on task. Sheer willpower is doing a good job so far, I’ve kept myself here despite the hard times I’ve had doing it, but I’m not anywhere near as successful as I would otherwise be, or so I think, as I might be if I were following some sort of plan or schedule. It’s sad how much I’m turning out to be the things I used to dislike so much…schedules and plans. Eww! I’m going to start filling up my sch^#$le (censored for vulgarity) and, hopefully, being more active. Meh. It’s been a slow process but I think I’m starting to become more of the sort of person I used to dislike pretty strongly. And I don’t feel bad about it either. Just bad about having been wrong. I don’t like being wrong cause that sucks. I have a reputation to take care of here. :[ On another note, Mime’amakim, and all of Idan Raichel’s songs for that matter, are a straight shot down as far as their execution and mixdown. They’re not amazingly put together at all. Hrm. The bass is a bit too on the heavy end and there’s is a bit of clashing in the tonalities of some of the sounds too. As a learning engineer, I don’t feel that your sounds should be competing for space, there’s enough range in your panning spectrum to keep everyone alive and to give em breath and a life to live. Hrm. Maybe if I get hired by the record label I can help to improve their tunes. Hrm. There’s fuzz when the girl speaks on Come With Me, too. You could have easily plug-in’d that out or just faded out to make it less obvious…argh. I’m learning less respect for music I really like too going to this school. Argh! Haha, oh well, I like it anyway. I don’t like it for it’s production values though, I like it cause it’s RAW! JUST LIKE LIFE! There’s value in the middle and lower tier stuff too. ;d It’s not that only the high-quality stuff is good when it comes to aesthetics. Whee!

18. Lick you. Cause I’m dirty like dat. That’s right, I’m a sick evil F@$*! (censored ;o)

19. Categorize my diary into chapters. I’ve bought the cheap lil upgrade for it so I’m going to make it sexy. Might as well. I spend more than enough time on here anyway.

20. Get my hair cut because it’s way too wild.

21. Heckle you about getting our hair dyed. I want it to happen and it’s going to happen. You will see.

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Hrm. I wrote a lot in an hour. Whee. Hrm. I still have half an hour befoer I need to get going to class, though. I guess I’ll chill for a little while longer then. That nap really did a lot for me. I ended up toing to the media center after class and just crashing on one of their couches til 7:30. Haha, fast hour and a half of sleep for me. Would’t been 2 and a half hours cept I got involved in a hack circle beforehand. I gotta get my exercise in when I can, dontcha know. But yeah, I’m much more awake now. Much more upbeat and in a good mood, too. Sleep important.

So is learning. I picked up the orlando sentinel about a week or so ago and I read parts of that. Today I picked up the wall street journal and I was reading that instead. I’m learning more stuff and becoming more worldly for it, too, I think. It’s imporant to keep track of what’s going on around you, you know? Hrm. Looking at "A letter from the lost" from the silent hill soundtrack, the mixing isn’t that good either. Meh. So much mucky musica. :[ Some of it is really good but some of it is really bad too. Anywho. I’m becoming more worldly for reading more. I learned that China makes 100,000 (!!!) ish transplants a year and were making huge money from it by selling organs to foreigners. A lot of those organs came from prisoners condemned to death as well and a lot of the medical community wonder if the prisoners are coerced or even forced to give them up and want to bam that. At the same time, China is selling their organs to foreigners and now their own people and their people are dying. So China shut down the foreign transplants until their board of directors decides on a way to deal with the problem.

I also looked at some of the ideas students at a school are thinking about after having read "The Jungle." Specifically they were looking at student’s who came from an extremely wealthy community. The comments disturbed me in a lot of ways because the students showed acceptance and callousness towards the lower class. To me, the comments expressed by the kids were way too optimistic about the state of places nowadays (factories are still crazily bad, even if they’re not as obviously bad) and the immigrants are still treated extremely poorly. They focused on the ‘liberty to all’ idea but they apparently don’t have the eyes or experiences to see that immigrants aren’t really given those things as much as rich people like they are. That really bothers me. What bothers me more is that, according to the story, one of the kids said "I think he just wrote the book to make the rich people look bad." Not just that, but the others agreed with him. If people like that don’t change their opinions and open their minds to just how bad the state of living can be, and often is, around the place, they going to be the people perpetuating and encouraging

the division between rights, luxery, liberty and life between the rich and the poor. They’re going to be just another one of those big board directors because of their wealth and family they were born to that abuses their workers and doesn’t give a damn about it. "Oh, they’re just upset because I’m rich and powerful and they’re not." Pfft, you can be perfectly happy with a bad job as long as the people around it are good to you, too. I’ve been a janitor and, to this day, it’s probably been my favorite job, even more so than the cooshy job working the front desk of a nice hotel where I barely had to work, that I’ve ever had. It’s all about the people and understanding and caring that they show between one another. It’s not about being rich or powerful at all, for the most part. Pfft. I have major problems with the corrupt and morally bankrupt. It’s a pity that so many come out of the very poor and the very rich. I have big problems with both, but more so the rich simply because the rich people are the ones with the the wealth, the influence and the power to try and help change the things around us. It’s very frustrating. Very very frustrating, everyone should have a shot at being happy and not being manipulated.

Listening to Banco de Gaia’s song "Obsidian", I’m finding that their sound is MUCH more solid than silent hill’s or idan’s. They’re very well-developed, but still somewhat muddy. Not good when things are over-blend and make a sort of sonic mud, your sounds should be clear. But even so, the levels and the panning is definately a step up. I wonder if this is the average of musical recording quality or if idan’s is? I need to listen to more, look around more.

But hrm. I almost went on a big rant about rich vs. poor. I’m gonna go back ont he subject, actually, since it really bothers me. In some ways I see the system as essentially unworkable because a lot of the rich don’t know and don’t understand simply because they haven’t lived that life. Even if they’re otherwise good people, really good people even, they may simply just lack the understanding and experiences to know that there’s a problem. You’re a good example of this, you know. You’re a good person, I know you are, but, in many ways, I feel you lack the the understanding of why things are bad because you’ve never actually been there yourself. You can look at it and see other people and know that there is one, but there’s no understanding. I think that if a lot of the rich were deprived of their money and their assets for, say, 6 months and dropped into a major city with a tight budget and a need to work to survive. Then they’d understand more. Work a bad job, see what it’s like to work as a gas station clerk. See how nasty the industry is to it’s clerks, how underpaid and overworke they are, look at how the industry doesn’t give benefits, doesn’t give overtime and always tries to wheedle their own people out of a paycheck simply to funnel more money to the big guys in charge of it all. It’s sickening. ISL (the hotel job) was the same way. Totally sickening. And it’s one thing to deal with it when you’re ok financially. But what about when you need that job to feed your kids or to keep in a house in the middle of winter? Then you have to deal with it. It’s terrible. I hate it. Argh, I wish more people of power (i.e. the rich) knew so that they could pressure the others into maybe making things better. There’s way too much corruption and not enough love here. :[ Only by mutual love, caring and understanding for one another will we ever get anywhere significant in life, love is the path to the reunion of the world. There is no other way. I wish more people worked on the understanding part more. There seem to be man who are doing pretty well with the loving and caring for one another and helping each other out, but the understanding thing….there are so few. Both amongst the rich and the poor. There just doesn’t seem to be any realization that understanding is important, too. Understanding and empathy; too rare.

I think I’ll end there, at least for now.