To Mike

Hey kido what are you up to? Uhhh I miss asking you that so much.Mom got a tattoo of your ugly mug on her leg. Its not a bad sketch of you. Got that damn lil smirk of yours. Its been 8 weeks now since you left us. I miss you just as much today as I have every day since you left me. Jess thinks I should go and see someone, but I dont know brother. I mean what are they going to tell me "Its ok to feel sad everyone does when they lose someone." Fuck you I know that!! Amy said she wanted her husband back. I told her sorry but when you died brother a big part of who I was died too.I dont know how I am supposed to live anymore. Every time I start to enjoy something I feel so fucking guilty because I know you cannt do this or feel that. I tried to sit back yesterday and enjoy that movie but all I could think was fuck mike should be here. We had planed to go see this together why cannt he be here. I dont want to fucking be here without him… Sometimes I hate the whole fucking world for going on. Its like why the fuck should everything be able to go on as if nothen even happened. The sun should go out and the fucking world should just stop and hurt as bad as I hurt because you are gone.

I WANT MY BROTHER  BACK!!! I want my fucking soul and life to be complete again. Noone understands the relationship we had brother. How we could just look at each and know what the other was thinking. How if one called the other would respond without a second thought. How if one of us needed a hit upside the head and told we where doing wrong the other would be there to do that..lol.. I miss you brother I miss you so much. I told amy I wanted to be a brother again. She said we would always be brothers. I said no fuck no my brother is dead and I am alone. Its like when a husband loses his wife. he is no longer a husband hes a widower. They just dont have a word for what I am now. I am lost I am out of balance and I hate this fucking world that you are now not in it. maybe if I was a man of faith enstead of science it would be easier. If I believed we would be together again this would be easier but I dont know mike I want to believe I want to know but I just dont know. I love you mike dream a good dream for us..

All my love

Billy

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"Bare is the back without brother to guard it."