To Mike

Hey lil brother. Things are rough here. Dad went to see someone today and totally broke down to the point he had to take a day off work. Your leaveing had left alot of pain behind. I found this:

FIVE STEPS OF GRIEF

1)Denial
2)Anger
3)Bargaining
4)Depression
5)Acceptance

I dont like the ideal of "steps" because that makes it sound like once you leave one you dont go back again. For me its more like a slide going back and forth between steps 2 and 4. I am over Denial. I know your dead and that its never going to change, but anger and baragaining (to me this is also guilt) and depression I am all over those 3 steps.

Its supposed to get really cold here this Sunday maybe a high of 17. I will still come up and see you on wensday thou. I hate the fact that there is still no marker on your grave yet, but we are supposed to wait for the ground to settle and for the weather to warm up. I dont know why but I guess it dont matter to you much either way 😛 I feel so lonely with out you brother. I know that sounds silly since I still have Amy and the rest of the family but in alot of ways you where my only friend.

I talked to Jess and she told me you knew how much I loved you and that I never thought you where takeing advantage of me. Hell lil brother I liked to be able to lone you the money. Hell it was my job to take care of you sence you where born. I guess that is where alot of my guilt comes from. I feel like such a failure with you gone. I feel like i let you and the family down. I am sorry truely sorry Mike. Rest well lil brother and dream a good dream.

All my love

Billy

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"Bare is the back without brother to guard it."