Six days = Two yrs gone

Oh god lil brother in less then a week you would have been gone two years. I remember the last time I saw you. I was trying to show you the Christmas present I got for Basil but you would not wake up enough to talk to me. The last time we talked was the night before you died. It was over the phone and we talked about batman..lol.. and Mikey and just junk I guess. I ember the last time we hugged. It was thanksgiving night 5 days before you would die. You came over to my house to eat thanksgiving dinner and I hugged you when you came in. You made me watch that dumn ass survivor show while everyone else played poker. I ember hearing dad’s voice when I had to tell him you where dead. It was over the phone as I was driving out to your guys house to meet with the cops to learn what happened. You see while I was out driving looking for you I had Amy call the hospitals and cops. The cops called back and would not tell her what happened.. I took the phone from her and flat out asked "Is my brother dead?" and he said " I’m sorry but yes." I could not even tell mom I made her put dad on the phone. I just could not do it. Fuck man I did not have the guts to tell dad to his face I had to do it over the phone.

Now dads gone too and our lil family just seems to be getting smaller and smaller. I don’t want you getting the ideal that dads death did not hurt me. It HURT it hurt alot but for some reason your death lil brother killed a part of me too. I just don’t feel like me any more with out you kid. None of this is making sence I am just going on like a fool. We will replace the Christmas tree by your grave this weekend. WE always put the tree up after Thanksgiving. I fucking hate you for dieing this time of year man. I used to so love the fall and the holidays but now they just remind me of you being gone. I guess dad took my birthday , dieing the day after, to not be out done..lol…

with it just being mom, Amy and me I did not see a point in cooking a big T-day meal. So I am taking the girls to the casino and checking out their buffet for that day. Mikey just supposed to come over for the weekend like normal. Either that Thursday night or Friday morning. Alot of good cartoons on Friday that should keep us busy. Not much point to all of this. I just needed to purge before I exploded..

Later

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"Bare is the back without brother to guard it."