Writing helps

 OD seems to be something that I come back to when I’m down in the dumps. In those moments of wrenching negativity where you look up and a pitch black storm of self recrimination and regret just washes over you. Clogging your pores and forcing its way down your throat as it seeps into you. You try to struggle sluggishly but it has already wrapped itself around you. You can’t see but you don’t panic. Its sly whispers echo through the roll of thunder.

It pulls you under.
Like tar
It clings and it drags
It doesn’t care that you need to focus
fuck your deadlines. That’s
the least of your worries now. You’re
useless. It’s
your own fault
Not good enough. Lazy. Unmotivated. You’re alone.
A disappointment.

The rope you cling to turns into a knife’s edge. Pain. So sweet. You clench your fist. You want the screaming of your nerves to consume everything. Perhaps that would bring a reprieve from the voices in your head. Why fight it, just let it permeate. Marinate in your failure.

And then you break the surface
The cold blast of air douses you awake
Your vision clears
Pain lingers
To whisper a goodbye
Seductive promises to return
You cling
Onto the lifeboat named
Absolution

You tell yourself
It wasn’t your fault
You set sail but the
winds were unfavorable
The gods were merciless
No
Of course it
Can’t be you

As you straighten
You hear the mocking laughter of the corpses sinking into the ocean of your failure
No
Of course it
Can’t be you.
No
Of course it
Can’t be you.