Pain

Several years ago I was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I’d been experiencing some neuropathy in my left leg and went in for a check-up. My blood sugar was through the roof. Since then, my health has been up and down.

I took that diagnosis very seriously. I’ve always had a problem with my weight and finally did something about it. I began a low calorie diet and starting working out 5-6 days a week. I lost nearly 100 lbs, but it consumed my life. All I thought about was my hunger and how badly I ached. I enjoyed being thinner but still saw myself as obese. It was a constant struggle. I was definitely flirting with an eating disorder.

Turns out, losing that weight helped my fertility because I got pregnant for a second time after 8 years. We thought we were 1 and done. During M’s pregnancy, I threw my back out. I call it the beginning of the end. I have pcos, so without heavy carb restriction and excessive exercise, I have a hard time losing weight. I packed it on.

Once M was born, I tried to go back to the gym but my back kept flaring up. Eventually I had surgery to correct my herniated/slipped discs and pinched sciatic. That helped for about 2 months until I injured it again. Keep in mind, it took 2 years to be prescribed any pain medication at all. I got a few pills a week before my surgery and that was it.

So, I’ve basically been walking on egg shells. Every misstep results in shooting pain that can potentially TAKE ME OUT. I spent 2 years with my sciatic bent in half so the muscle in my leg had essentially died. After the surgery, I would roll my ankle a few times a month bc my leg wasn’t used to being weight baring.

Fast forward to now. I’ve put a ton of weight back on. I have intermittent chest pains and high blood pressure. I take 6 (actually maybe 7) presciptions a day. I am miserable.

Over the summer I started getting cramps in my calf. They were intermittent but are now happening more frequently. The pain is similar to a charlie horse, but like the grandmother of all charlie horses. These pains wake me from a dead sleep and make my toes curl. I don’t have any swelling or redness, but today the pain has been more constant. I swear to god, if I have a blood clot I am going to lose it. We don’t have time for that right now and I certainly don’t want to be taking yet ANOTHER pill.

Something has to give.